An Interview…An Intervention…a Convo with “Dated to Death”

Dated to Death: “It seems your blogs are becoming quite redundant about what we live everyday.”

After the “interview/intervention” was done, he gave me permission to create a blog about this. He asked that I call him “Dated to Death.” So let me introduce you to “Dated to Death.”

I met him as my very first Tinder date almost a year ago. He was older, early 40s but extremely handsome. He has amazing eyes and a killer smile. I was very optimistic! We had several really great dates, but it was obvious we had a major difference. I was dating to find a lasting relationship and he was dating…to date. Right after 4th of July we stopped seeing each other.  We ran into each other out a few months ago and we decided a friendship was needed. We forgot we were super fun together. Also, I missed his honesty which is exactly what I got a few weeks ago. (and the hugs, kisses on the cheek and cuddles.)

Sally: “Yep, I’m in a rut!”

Dated to Death: “You need something a little more…dirty. Just not the average everyday.”

Sally: “Are we talking about the blog or something else?”

D2D: “I want to read about what it’s like on the other side, really! You need to expand your limits.”

***MAJOR editing to avoid explicit texting content!***

(and then the honesty)

D2D: “You come across as needing a husband. You should project a hussy heir. No man wants a needy woman.”

Sally: “I gotta work on that. I’m really more interested in decency. I need something new for sure.”

D2D: “Men want confident, but sexy.”

Sally: “I’ll work on that.”

D2D: “I know I could be with you right now, but that doesn’t fix your problem.”

Sally: “I appreciate that, but you are so right.”

D2D: “Thus why I haven’t. You need to be comfortable being you. But you don’t need me.”

Sally: “I know what you are saying though. What about you? You can’t be alone forever.”

D2D: (avoiding my question) You need to be comfortable being you, before you can get a man. Men want a come up, not an anchor.”

Sally: “Explain?”

D2D: “A single woman, home with two kids is a big turn off. You have to make that a plus. I know it sounds cruel, but its the truth. You have to look bullet proof.”

Sally: “Honest vs cruel. I’ll take honest.”

D2D: “I love you and  your kids, but it’s society that makes the rules.”

Sally: “I hate the damn rules.”

D2D: “Let’s face it. You have things men don’t want. You need a man your age with kids.”

Sally: “Can I be honest, I know why women stay with shitty husbands…this sucks just as bad! I question my decision to leave in moments like this.”

D2D: “Honest: I thought you were too controlling. You spoke to me as a counselor. You are a great person, but you need to lighten up a bit. Men want to be in control. That’s what we do. So don’t be hating on men that have an agenda. Men our age know what we can deal with. We want one thing &^%$@…the same as you  &!%$. It’s a cycle! Play the game!

Sally: “Is this a big brother pep talk?”

D2D: “Kind of.”

Wow!!! In one conversation I was enlightened by Dated to Death. Honestly, it reminded me why I had feelings for him in the first place and then why it’s best that we remain friends.

Dated to Death First Date Rules:

1. Let him lead.

2. Make him feel like he has to pull info from you. It will make him feel accomplished.

3. Don’t over text him. Be unavailable.

4. Patience is a virtue.

5. Men like to be teased, not given an all you can eat buffet…one course at at time.

Sally: “Thanks love doctor.”

D2D: “You wanted good things to talk about on the blog. Think about how many single women you could help with this advice.

Sally: “Millions, we are helping millions of women.”

I’ll leave you with a bit of fun!

“And your next category…SEX” -Pitch Perfect

 

Failure to Launch Phenomenon

People get married everyday. Traditionally, Saturday’s are the most popular, but any day will and can do. I’ve had the big white wedding. Hundreds of guests, church, reception hall, dinner, dancing, bar, the works. It was lovely. If I ever do walk that aisle again, I honestly don’t think it will be this kind of affair. But my optimism cup runneth over and is never failing so, we shall see.

Grace is my best friend and has personally witnessed many of the stories I share here. She actually gives me the go ahead to write on many topics. This one is no different. We were discussing a recent engagement of one of my exes-The Yankee. This one and I actually broke up almost a year ago…yeah-I was thinking the same thing “that was quick.” We started counting, he was number seven. He was the seventh guy I have broken up with that the next lady he dated after me, he married. Yep! MARRIED!

#1-serious boyfriend from college

#2-second serious boyfriend from college and 1st post divorce boyfriend

#3-Sweet Fella

#4- #2’s friend

#5-Momma’s Boy-wedding planned for June

#6-Squirrel (who is not married or engaged…yet, but it’s likely coming)

#7-The Yankee

#8-Cleats

Yep, I failed to mention that Cleats is now married. Now this one is amazing. Less than 2 weeks…TWO WEEKS!!! I end it and he put a ring on it!

Some of you may be saying, what about Derek…If we count him that makes it 10-because he dated and remarried his ex wife twice while dating me in between. I just don’t count it but you can if you would like.

Sarah Jessica Parker is making a heavy appearance in this blog  but not as Carrie Bradshaw. I give you Failure to Launch-Paula’s Pitch:

So there you have it mostly ladies and a few brave gentlemen…I have been doing this since 2000!!!! 15 years and increasing the self esteem of men I have been in relationships with and preparing them for marriage. Everyone on this list has had ample opportunity to marry me. It just never happened. I can’t answer the why it didn’t  part, but as I write, I stare at the left ring finger and it’s as bare as ever. Sometimes I wear and substitute ring on it just for fun. It would be nice to have one there one day, but for now there are nine other fingers if you count the pinky’s that can have rings on them.

This week, today in particular is Mother’s Day. Can I be honest…I really dislike Mother’s Day. Now, I love to celebrate my Mom! She is awesome and deserves this day. But this is just not a good day for me. For example, I left my ex husband on Mother’s Day. A few year’s later was the first time Derek got back together with his ex wife and now…#7 and #8 all with in a week! I have difficulty wrapping my head around this.

This morning, I made a list. A list of my research of dating men since my divorce.

1. They don’t know how. Yeah, obviously I don’t either. But, I had to recently date a man who was old enough to be my father to actually feel like it should to date. Come on men between 30 and 45. Get it together!!!

2. They show no effort. Again, back to the older man I recently went to dinner with. He showed effort and I appreciated it.  I want to ask any single, straight man reading this-when was the last time you sent a girl flowers? Yep…that’s what I thought.

3. No gentlemen qualities. Either they have been lost or they were faking it in the 20’s. ( and so was I…)

I would like to iniate a challenge. A challenge to men. Date me, I dare you! Baseball season has started and its a whole new ball game. My record is not as good as the Cardinals, but there is still time to make the playoffs. So if you are reading this and you are a single man or if you know a single man, I’m game if you are! Just remember, “there is no crying in baseball.”