When I was post divorce maybe six months, I was encouraged by many to seek the assistance of a therapist. It was great advice. I tend to see her occasionally just for a recheck. While I was in her care after my divorce, I explained to her that I had never met the woman that my ex husband cheated on me with. It was so bad, I didn’t even know what she looked like. I had tons of anxiety about passing her in Kroger and not knowing…that was her. My therapist asked a very important question; “If you do see her and have the opportunity, what would you say to her?” I hadn’t even thought of it. No idea….nothing!!!! She recommended I write her a letter. It was kind of homework. I was to bring it to the next session. So I wrote SEVERAL letters. Finally a draft was decided on and I brought it at the next session. Was I supposed to read it to her? Nope. She asked… did you address it? Yes. I did. I looked her and her husband up on White Pages and it was addressed and stamped. “Are you going to send it?” I didn’t know. I mean…does she get to know what part she played in my marriage’s demise. Will she ever understand what’s it’s like to be pregnant, alone and carry an amazing amount of hatred and anger through a time of joy. The letter explained all of this. And then…I thanked her. I thanked her for making me realize that my marriage was in ruins and her affair with my husband only justified the impending divorce. I carried it in an envelope, addressed and stamped with me everyday for nearly a year. Then one day, I passed a shred box at work, I reached in my purse and it was gone. But what wasn’t gone was writing letters.
Letter writing is a lost art. Okay, back to Sex and the City for a moment. Remember when Carrie was with Big and they were in bed reading “The Love Letters of Great Men”?
I have written love letters a thousand times. I wrote those notes with the special folds in high school. A few years into college email started then IM with AOL.( those were the days). Now the text…Ugh…the text. I hate texting. As am I writing this blog I have three…no, no four texts conversations going. Texting is the devil. It is almost as soul sucking as Facebook, and I love them both! But letters, oh, the letter. Handwritten of course. I mean, if you are going to do it, do it write…I mean right. In cursive and a good pen!
As I think of writing this letter, the one I will actually give to him I wonder; will I just leave it for him to read, will I read it to him or will I let him read it while I stand there? I don’t know I haven’t written it. But I do know that I will write it. I have to. There is just so much to say. And a goodbye is the hardest. Already, I have heard him say “I am sorry. I told you I was no good for you.” I came across this clip tonight and it sums that part all up.
“I just wish I didn’t know about this.” and “I really loved you.”-Aiden
Let’s switch gears for a moment. We can’t discuss letters and not mention “Sleepless in Seattle” and “You’ve Got Mail”. Truly tremendous movies that shaped my ability to enjoy a good love story. And comedic at that. Because if you have kept up, my love life is fully of comedy. Same leading actors and actresses in both-Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, both about writing letters/emails and both about hope! I wish I had the time and the energy to knock out both right now, but I have a letter to write. OH….even knock out “An Affair to Remember”….now, I can write the letter!
“It doesn’t have to be a miracle. Anything can happen.”