Anniversaries, Hydration and Popcorn

I have started a Facebook Live series called Three Things. It is a way I can reach my readers in a more personal way.

In the blogosphere, I tend to aim for perfection. This is the main reason why there is so much delay between posts. I have at least four drafts that are continually being tweaked with no publishing date in sight. I will attempt to tie those blogs into Three Things and get those messages out. In the meantime, here are my recent Three Things.

1. Happy Anniversary Parental Units

41 years! So that means I turn 40 this year. (For another day.) Your marriage and parenting of my and my brother was superb. Through you I learned the value of a partner, what love truly looks like and how to find the joy and fun in everyday. Also, the value of work and to always be involved in your local community. When I marry again, I hope my marriage mirrors yours.

2. Hydration

School started back last week. It was a difficult transition for my family. We do summer really well. So well, that we squeezed in one last trip to the beach and caught the girls first Dave Matthews Band show. We missed their orientation and Back to School Bash. Anyway, the first day of school hit me like a mack truck! I posted my first live video on Sex and the Motherhood’s Facebook page. It was received with mixed reviews but I remain supportive of my thoughts in that moment. However, I did pause and wonder, why was I such an angry lady in that moment. Finally, it came to me. I had taken in little to no water that day. Huge light bulb moment! I will encourage you as I encourage myself, start your day with a large glass of water. While you are at it, roll on some mood enhancing essential oils. Patchouli and Bergamot are a few of my favs. Diffusers are abundant and affordable. Keep one going on high during big stress times…for me, all the time. I am always brewing something!

3. Popcorn

I found several years ago the most effective way to control my mouth at youth sports events was to snack on popcorn. This keeps me from shouting at the officials, my kids, other kids, other parents and cussing is only mumbled at the risk of choking.

I have now decided it’s a time in my life where I need popcorn at a moments notice. Mostly because I have become this person:

Recently at a town hall type meeting I literally took my own popcorn to watch how people responded to the different topics and they did not disappoint. Call me petty, you are probably right. But at least I had a snack and was able to leave the meeting with my head high and not embarrassed by the comments I kept to myself…or texted my friends in the meeting. But those who spoke, spoke with dignity, respect and positivity! Just what that group needed! You go momma bears!

If you have any topic you’d like to address for Three Things, comment below and I will do my best.

Take care and peace in your daily lives.

Sally

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Taking Notes

I have started a new phase of dating advice. It was all started by the use of the word “maybe”.

Girl: Would you like to do something tonight?

Boy: Maybe

Maybe is a word for those who are undecided. The definition states “perhaps,possibly”. But for dating, the word maybe can mean:

  • I have something more important to do.
  • I’m waiting to see if someone else wants to do something.
  • You are not worth the drive, effort, money, etc.
  • I’m trying to figure out how to say no so I will buy some time and say maybe.
  • I don’t have the balls to break up with you.

Or to put it plain and simple:

  • Laziness and selfishness are a disease and masterbation is not the cure but easier than being vulnerable and putting forth effort.

The advice I give women for a maybe is:

TAKE NOTES!

Women have a creative, nurturing nature. Also, an ability to fill the day with a multitude of tasks. And if that women is working full time, raising kids, attending their activities, Click-listing her groceries and maintaining herself with hair, nails and waxing; she can still find four to six hours to “spend time” with her significant other without batting an eye. But take note ladies! When he or she throws out that first “maybe”, it likely will not be his or her last.

Don’t fuss about the maybe, but don’t forget about the maybe. Take notes!

A Regular Day, February 14th

Also happened on February 14th

1929 – Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre: Seven people, six of them gangster rivals of Al Capone’s gang, are murdered in Chicago.

1989 – Union Carbide(Dimple of the Universe people will understand)agrees to pay $470 million to the Indian government for damages it caused in the 1984 Bhopal disaster.

1990 – The Voyager 1 spacecraft takes the photograph of planet Earth that later become famous as Pale Blue Dot.

2005 – Seven people are killed and 151 wounded in a series of bombings by suspected al-Qaeda-linked militants that hit Makati, Davao City, and General Santos City, all in the Philippines.

2005 – YouTube is launched by a group of college students, eventually becoming the largest video sharing website in the world and a main source for viral videos. *** the only one that meals me happy.

It’s Valentines Day. Goddamn It! And if this year, you receive a valentine, say thank you and evaluate the gift you were given. Was it for show? To say sorry?  Because they are supposed to give you a gift? Are you ok with that?
I’m home, sick. (All of you professional people worried I am writing while I’m at “work”, calm yourself.) This day has also been deemed a few other things. Galentines Day and Single Awareness Day to name a few. I’m aware that I’m single every day and I love my friends more than anything everyday! But my entire life I’ve had Valentines Day shoved down my throat. Two days ago I spent nearly $50 so my kids could have something delivered to school. Yesterday, $10 so my older daughter could take a Valentine to a gift exchange on her softball team and this morning, in a fever fog, bought chocolate syrup and bowls so my youngest could have a sundae party at school! Why do we have to keep pretending that this day means something? I have set my kids up for failure. Not that I do dint appreciate the box of chocolates my father bought me every year. I ate most of them in the dark and alone. He tired, just like I try.

Why do we have to celebrate things publicly that cause others such sadness and pain? Social media makes us all aware of your real or fake feelings and relationships everyday! Did I say that out loud? And by the way, I don’t want to hear it, the disappointment train was way out of the station on that one. Ask me in the comments about Christmas before we broke up.

I have a gift or some may say a curse. It’s the gift of relationship dissernment. I will not tolerate any level of crap! Even crap that is described as love. Some may say, but it’s worth it. I say, you need to watch Grace and Frankie.

I have missteps.  I have held back. So I stopped, I went all in. And now to a certain extent, I regret that. As a lover or a hater, I have always been ultimately disappointed. But I refuse to settle! 

So, do what I did. Build a house that you want to be in. That if you are fortunate enough to take care of people or pets in. Invite friends and neighbor’s over. Be safe and secure in it. Share your life with people. 

Build a Home, Grace and Frankie

“Because love, it’s not an emotion. Love is a promise and he will never hurt her.” – The Doctor

How easily I cried. Drop a tear, just in a blink. All the ones that didn’t matter. The short term ones. The ones that never loved me back. Cried for days. Lamented over music. Called friends to cheer me up and drink with me. Burned letters, cut up their clothes. I experienced so much pain for them, but you…why haven’t I cried for you? I came home every night, alone and dealt with it with both eyes dry as a bone. Why haven’t I cried?

Clara Oswald claimed she was owed. That’s where we begin this attempt at crying today. Her love, Danny Pink, has just been killed. #spoilers.

“I’d say I was sorry, but I’d do it again.”, Clara

The ability to trust my judgement is over. I was convinced this was my forever happiness. That in no way I’d ever be in this place again. Now, single, I find myself very angry not at you but at myself. I’d do it again though. All of it. I guess that’s the difference. The others I wept for, I wish I could I have missed experiencing, however you, I’d do the last 8 months all over again.

“Be strong. Even if it breaks your heart.”, The Doctor

And…

“Cut out the whining while you are at it, we have work to do.”, The Doctor

Best of 2017

Instead of resolutions, I decided to focus on the greatness of 2017. I have composed my personal bests and favorites of the last 12 months.

Best Trip of My Life: London and Paris with my Father

I am still amazed that it even happened! It was a life changing experience. It influenced several adjustments in my life and also my view of not only “Dimple of the Universe” but my view on living. Traveling is now a regular experience I will continue to plan.

Best Book: The Nightingale

One thing I wish I had done to prepare for my trip to France was learn the language. This was also true with this book. I am so glad I listened to the audio version. I was able to hear the lovely, beauty of the language through the amazing love and tragedy of this story. I have recommended this book to everyone I could.

Best Wife-In-Law: Mandy “Gina” Barry. You have been such a wonderful friend to me but an even better step mother to my children. Thank you this year, the past years and in the future…I’ll bring the wine next time.

Best Podcast: Ask Me About

Look for our next episode tomorrow, Jan 1 2018 to focus on both our bests of 2017. Ross Jaynes is a wonderful cohost, producer and technical guide!

Best Series to Binge: The Marvelous Mrs Maisel

I was already excited about this, then I learned that the creator and writer of Gilmore Girls Amy Sherman-Palladino was the creator and writer for this. It didn’t disappoint! I was even more enthusiastic after I successfully attempted my first stand up routine the week before.

Best Place for Stand Up: Cities

I wrote a five minute stand up routine the day before, worked eight hours and showed up to a sold out crowd! So let’s do it again!

Get tickets here

Best “Dimple of the Universe”: Mine! Columbia TN. Not just 2017, but 2018, 2019, 2020 and just keep going. I love my “Dimple”! A few websites to check out: MyColumbia and ThatsColumbia. That’ll get you started.

Best Boyfriend: My ex. It’s still hard to believe that our perfect, happy relationship recently ended, but he was the best boyfriend. He has set a bar so high, I dare the next man to try!

Best Phrase: Get it Girl

Best Friends: My beautiful, adoring, faithful and loving friends!

Richard Pictures

I turned my Instagram privacy settings to public activating a website to find my #bestnineof2017. I forgot to turn them back on. This morning….in my private messages… “A Richard Picture”!

While dating or initially getting to know someone, these could be sent at the beginning of a romantic relationship. Once even sooner than that. How do I explain the shock and disappointment of their first text that contains a picture of a man’s Richard?

I’m not blaming social media or online dating. I’m not blaming pornography or the over sexualization of society. I’m not blaming anyone. My intention is to draw attention to an unwanted harassment that women have been enduring for centuries…we don’t want to see it!

The art world has been full of “Richard Pictures”. The percentage of male nudes in sculpture and paintings far outweighs those of females. I find it interesting that we have been looking at “Richard Pictures” for 100s of years! Even the cavemen! That’s right since the beginning of time, we’ve had to put up with this.

2017 has been full of numerous assaults on far more than our eyes. Men and women are in a state of daily sexual assaults and abuses in all levels. In a recent interview with Sam Sanders, host of Its Been a Minute, Rachel Brosnahan, Star of The Marvelous Mrs Maisel made comments in reference to the #metoo movement and her role on House Of Cards with Kevin Spacey. Spacey was one of the first to be named in the sexual assault wave. She asked that we focus on the amazing people doing outstanding work in our communities and societies stopping our constant conversations about this matter. Brosnahan: “It’s been one of the things that has been the most frustrating about this. I’m on a show that is also a part, one part of a very multifaceted solution. As I said to you earlier, this is a show that is created, written, directed and produced by an extraordinary woman and an extraordinary man about an extraordinary woman. This is a show that lifts women up, that highlights their battles, that employs them in front of and behind the camera. And so let’s stop talking about these terrible men and start talking about women who are creating exciting content, the courage of the women who have come forward, the fact that Robin (Wright) is taking over this show and she deserves that.”

Thank you Instagram user anon861 for this post. I have put the matter to rest and will turn my focus to the fabulous upcoming year. Bring it on 2018! The past 12 months haven’t brought us the best examples of love, decency and humanity. I know 2018 has the potential to give us another opportunity to be more appropriate professionally, socially and personally.

“Cupid Demanded Back His Arrow.”-Lost Stars by Adam Levine

How does one even begin to tell the story when one doesn’t even know what happened. What event or action caused this? (This feels like process statements my youngest has for homework.) I wish I knew more. I only know the ending.

I drove away, in a daze, in a fog of disbelief. To top it off in true “Dimple of the Universe” form, a run-in with a coworker as I attempted to get in my car without him noticing my distress. I repeatedly listened to “Lost Stars”,a song from the soundtrack of the movie with the same name.

Lost Stars

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When I had children, I was given one job. To give these children my best. That level of best is me pushing myself beyond exhaustion, financial brokenness and the brink of socially acceptable sanity. My last post Hello, Adult Protective Services… left me with a lot of guilt. Like a football kicker, parents have one job. You know what I mean, when the kicker misses, I’m yelling “YOU’VE GOT ONE JOB!”

My girls have been on a recent break from school and have been home. If I had the money, I’d stay home and homeschool them. It’s been glorious. No homework, no practices. Just dinner and relaxing at home. They’ve been all mine and I’ve been theirs…and I’ve never felt more lonely. The good news is, children have more forgiving power than adults.

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Yeah…that’s really all I have. I still don’t know what happened. But I do know this. I only want to be a good mother. My youngest will be “out of the house” in nine years. Maybe I’ll get it together by then.

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Hello? Yes, Is this Adult Protective Services? I’d Like to Report My Children.

“Everyone just go to bed. I don’t give a shit anymore.”

That’s how this evening just ended.

I’m tired. I’m tired of no one coming home with their stuff. I’m tired of my “go to bed” reminder going off and I’m still in my heels, pencil skirt and it’s no where near bedtime for me or them. I’m tired of being asked to do things for the next day when I’m already at my breaking point and they had ample opportunity to ask other adults for help.

Smaller Child: “mom, it’s (inset fundraiser) time. Can you call/post to get pledges by tomorrow. If you do, I could get two things.” (Of value less than $5 total.)

Me: “No! No! No! No! Don’t ask me to do anything for the next day after 8 pm ever again!”

This leads into a several minute rant regarding my time versus the school’s time and how they can fundraise on their own time if they would like, but I refuse!!! Followed by tears from the back seat.

Me (to larger child): “I just need your lunchbox.”

Larger Child: “well…I…”

Me: “everyone go to bed, I don’t give a shit anymore.”

She’s been at school since 7:30 am. She has had fast food and cheered two basketball games. She’s 12. I get it.

But what I don’t get is why school priorities trump home priorities. What if I just decide to forget to take care of them because I have to work. Can I call the Department of Adult Protective Services on my Kids? Seriously?

Goodnight…and remember tomorrow when you see my kids, I don’t give a shit!

Even a Superhero Cant Save Themselves

First modern save the damsel guy, that I can recall; Richard Geer in Pretty Woman.

Pretty Woman White Knight on a Limo

But here’s what I’ve found-he didn’t save her. “So what happens after he rescues her?”

“She rescues him right back.”

She saved him! Vivian Ward was likely on the brink of leaving the world’s oldest profession prior to meeting Edward Lewis. Already successful as a prostitute and keeping her best friend out of harms way, she had a few more tricks and she would have been out. Edward was drowning in his success and guilt. He was unhappy and unfulfilled. Vivian listened to him, built him up and loved him back into humanity. All Edward did was buy her some clothes, take her to dinner and all while riding in a limo. Let’s not leave out the inappropriate relationship with his business partner that nearly caused her rape. Truth be told, given the right circumstances, Vivian would/could do that for herself. Watch the movie again. Vivian saved Edward. And in the end, he only came back for her because he knew he was too weak to do it alone. Vivian saved Edward.

Society introduces the idea that women think they need saving, but I have found in the last nine plus years, women don’t need saving, but men do. Countless times I have found myself in the midst of my own trials, just to have to stifle my emotions to handle the issues of the man in my life.

Get it together.

Keep your head on straight.

Don’t show too many emotions.

Don’t be that girl.

Need more income, get a second job.

Need more income, get a third job.

Would my Knight come if I completely crumbled under the pressures of life? I’m sure my imminent mensuration would be placed in question and I’d be told to dry my eyes.

No one is coming to save you dear one. There are no hero’s. People are people and when the truth is told-we all need saving, and no one person is solely responsible for your salvation.

Forget it! But What Did You Forget?

“There’s no way that could have ever happened!” Or what if you don’t remember it? What if it’s completely different then you imagined and the pure thought of it was complete disbelief? 

I recently read What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty. Yes, I have also read Big Little Lies and The Husband’s Secret. All great and I highly recommend. But,truly I tell you, What Alice Forgot really hit me and captivated my thoughts for the two days it took me to read it. Dont think for a minute I am “one of those readers.” I was at the beach on a girls trip. 

No Spoilers! I will explain no more than what you can find out in the description. So guess what? Alice forgot! Following a gym accident, she woke up and had forgotten the last 10 years. Forgot the birth of three children, the death of a friend; that she didn’t realize she was friends with and to top it off, she has a new boyfriend because she’s in the middle of a divorce. The last she recalls is being in love with her husband, buying a fixer upper and being pregnant for the first time! 

So here I go…what if I still thought I loved my ex husband?  What if I had never met one of my children? That’s a lot! That’s a whole, whole, helluva a lot to process! 


“What Sally Forgot?”

  1. The birth of my youngest daughter. (What daughter? I just had a miscarriage, last I recall.)
  2. The many miscarriages of many friends. 
  3. My divorce 
  4. My oldest daughters three cranial facial surgeries. 
  5. The death of my grandmother
  6. The death of my uncle
  7. My brother’s marriage
  8. The addition of wonderful friends to a group of longtime friends 
  9. The loss of friendships and gaining a friendemy. 
  10. What is a wife in law and why do I have one? 
  11. What’s a podcast and who is Ross? 
  12. Bro what? I have Bromances? 
  13. Changing jobs
  14. Moving four times 
  15. Traveling to Europe
  16. My obsession and multiple trips to Orange Beach Alabama.
  17. I have a boyfriend? 
  18. What is Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Match 
  19. Who are all these ex boyfriends 
  20. What is Sex and the Motherhood.
  21. What do you mean there is no more MySpace? 

As I list these things, to me-it’s a lifetime of experiences but it’s only a third or so of what I’ve experienced so far. Which leads me to the real “aha” moment. Would 10 year ago Sally, like current Sally? I don’t know. Really, it’s hard to imagine even if myself 10 years ago would even be friends with me, now. 

Then there are the things have happened that are unimaginable to 10 year ago Sally. Here’s a bit of a truth bomb: If you think some of my “sex and the Motherhood” experiences were over the top, well…this is the edited version. Yes, you read that correctly. I have left out some major/minor details. Some things you have to keep between you and Jesus. So to be told I’ve done the things I’ve done and experienced what I’ve experienced, would  be too much to take. But to manage my unfortunate choices, poor decisions and let’s just call it what it is, mistakes; I had a moment, several moments. The turning point, when I decided that my path will hold only actions that honor me and my daughters. If it doesn’t fit there, then I move on. Sally, 10 years ago probably thinks that sounds pretty deep, but she doesn’t have the foundation to understand the significance of it yet. She’ll be ok, I promise you that. 

I can’t let my disappointments and struggles outweigh what I have accomplished and overcome. Just looking at the list above, the pictures and processing, I’m proud. I don’t know what the next 10 years have for me, but I hope I remember and honor every step.