Forget it! But What Did You Forget?

“There’s no way that could have ever happened!” Or what if you don’t remember it? What if it’s completely different then you imagined and the pure thought of it was complete disbelief? 

I recently read What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty. Yes, I have also read Big Little Lies and The Husband’s Secret. All great and I highly recommend. But,truly I tell you, What Alice Forgot really hit me and captivated my thoughts for the two days it took me to read it. Dont think for a minute I am “one of those readers.” I was at the beach on a girls trip. 

No Spoilers! I will explain no more than what you can find out in the description. So guess what? Alice forgot! Following a gym accident, she woke up and had forgotten the last 10 years. Forgot the birth of three children, the death of a friend; that she didn’t realize she was friends with and to top it off, she has a new boyfriend because she’s in the middle of a divorce. The last she recalls is being in love with her husband, buying a fixer upper and being pregnant for the first time! 

So here I go…what if I still thought I loved my ex husband?  What if I had never met one of my children? That’s a lot! That’s a whole, whole, helluva a lot to process! 


“What Sally Forgot?”

  1. The birth of my youngest daughter. (What daughter? I just had a miscarriage, last I recall.)
  2. The many miscarriages of many friends. 
  3. My divorce 
  4. My oldest daughters three cranial facial surgeries. 
  5. The death of my grandmother
  6. The death of my uncle
  7. My brother’s marriage
  8. The addition of wonderful friends to a group of longtime friends 
  9. The loss of friendships and gaining a friendemy. 
  10. What is a wife in law and why do I have one? 
  11. What’s a podcast and who is Ross? 
  12. Bro what? I have Bromances? 
  13. Changing jobs
  14. Moving four times 
  15. Traveling to Europe
  16. My obsession and multiple trips to Orange Beach Alabama.
  17. I have a boyfriend? 
  18. What is Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Match 
  19. Who are all these ex boyfriends 
  20. What is Sex and the Motherhood.
  21. What do you mean there is no more MySpace? 

As I list these things, to me-it’s a lifetime of experiences but it’s only a third or so of what I’ve experienced so far. Which leads me to the real “aha” moment. Would 10 year ago Sally, like current Sally? I don’t know. Really, it’s hard to imagine even if myself 10 years ago would even be friends with me, now. 

Then there are the things have happened that are unimaginable to 10 year ago Sally. Here’s a bit of a truth bomb: If you think some of my “sex and the Motherhood” experiences were over the top, well…this is the edited version. Yes, you read that correctly. I have left out some major/minor details. Some things you have to keep between you and Jesus. So to be told I’ve done the things I’ve done and experienced what I’ve experienced, would  be too much to take. But to manage my unfortunate choices, poor decisions and let’s just call it what it is, mistakes; I had a moment, several moments. The turning point, when I decided that my path will hold only actions that honor me and my daughters. If it doesn’t fit there, then I move on. Sally, 10 years ago probably thinks that sounds pretty deep, but she doesn’t have the foundation to understand the significance of it yet. She’ll be ok, I promise you that. 

I can’t let my disappointments and struggles outweigh what I have accomplished and overcome. Just looking at the list above, the pictures and processing, I’m proud. I don’t know what the next 10 years have for me, but I hope I remember and honor every step. 

Advertisements

Wife In Laws

There had been one or two before her. I didn’t realize she was going to change my life too.

In our dimple of the universe, most relationships involving step parents are extremely disfunctional. It was the expected and for me the anticipated reaction. Helping my assumption, was a difficult and dramatic co parenting relationship. It’s been nearly seven, no eight years since we turned the corner and started turning heads. 

Urban Dictionary defines Wife In Law as “The relationship that exists between a divorced woman and her ex-husband’s new wife.” And that’s what we are, but we have grown beyond a relationship, it’s a friendship made of mutual respect and trust. When you put it all together that’s when you get “The Unit”. The Unit can really make people uncomfortable. So picture it, walking into a very crowded softball complex, me, my girls, my ex, the wife in law, her kids, their daughter, her ex, his wife, her kids too, then add the grandparents…there are up,to 4 sets of them…yep, lots of looks. And not everyone in the unit was in love with the idea at the start but our children, all children, deserve support and a peaceful,loving environment and our stance to be dedicated to doing so, we surpassed the concerns and eased into the comfort of it. 

The spirit of summer of 2017 was set with a young professionals group started meeting in the dimple. My friend Ross, who I podcast with on Ask Me About explained our purpose was to be a group of people who could help eachother.   With this spirit, that’s what she and I want to do. We want to share our story, hear your stories and help eachother along the way. 

In the next few weeks, we will begin planning events for women like us. Single ladies in a coparenting, wife in law, situations. You can be in a good place, an in between place or a bad place. You could even be a solo wanting to know more about how to develop a wife in law situation. Maybe you’ve been through it and your wisdom can help. The point is, we want you to come. 

We have the beginnings of a Facebook page at Wife In Laws. Follow us there and await our first event, August 20th is the beginning of this adventure. 

What would happen if through these positive relationships, we created a community of supportive women with one common goal to celebrate our strengths, overcome our weaknesses and impact our families in a positive way? What if we changed your life in a good way? What if we became better friends, better moms, better patents? What if we had fun? 

Shut It Down! Deal Breaker

             

What is perfect? How do you define it? What is part of your perfect? Are there versions of perfection? How does one even begin to explore perfection?

When I examine perfection, I’m more than curious not to what it is but how do you get there? Could it be similar to going to the grocery store without a list? Just hear me out.

In the book, Raving Fans, there are three secrets to creating a Raving Fan for your business. The book is focused on creating loyalty. The three secrets are Decide, Discover and Deliver.

  1. You have to “Decide” what you want.
  2. You have to “Discover” what your customer wants.
  3. Then you deliver the vision plus one percent.

This concept can be culture changing for an organization and quite possibly life changing for those of us…well like me. I have a semi successful dating history, but struggle with the purpose and want to make sure we are following the best steps along the way. “But Sally, how is this like going to the grocery store?”

grocery-list
Have you ever had that little trip to the grocery. You need milk, bread and ham. You don’t need a list for these items…you can do this without it. One hour and $200 later you walk out of the store with everything but milk, bread and ham. How frustrating? Or is it? Instead of the simple items…you now have wine, ice cream, steak, potatoes, three types of potato chips, sriracha sauce, new locally made soap and a vanilla candle. (You really don’t like vanilla candles, but it smelled so good in the store.) Not a thing wrong with these items, but still all you needed was milk, bread, ham and that $200 back.
Just like in Raving Fans, nothing wrong with the way you have been running your business and taking care of customers, but where is the intention. And how do you know if its working? Do all these extra items create a sustainable meal planning for the week?

Are you with me now? Do you see what I’ve been doing? I’ve been shopping without a list. (For men…not groceries.)

In a previous post, New Adventure? A Podcast! “Ask Me About” is Launched, I not only introduced you to my new adventure, the collaborative podcast Ask Me About , I listed some of my favorite podcast. One I am most fond of and will be referencing is Death, Sex and Money If You’re Not_____, Then Never Mind

In this particular episode, our host Anna Sale interviews actor Amy Landecker of Transendent. The focus of the interview is in regards to Landecker’s divorce and return to dating.

From the podcast: “Actor Amy Landecker got divorced in 2011. “It was the worst time of my whole life,” Amy says. “People told me it was going to get better and I didn’t believe them.” Amy and her ex-husband share custody of their daughter, and Amy struggled with being away from her for days at a time.”

Now, I’m used to this story, I’ve told this story. But I really tuned in when she explained that her daughter was the one to tell her it was time to date. “My daughter was worried that I was gonna be alone and…she was like, let’s just make a list of the qualities that we’re looking for,” Amy laughs. “So she takes out this piece of paper and she titles it, ‘If You’re Not This, Then Never Mind.'”

I’ve made several of these lists before, at the recommendations of many people. Prayerfully, by Gametime friend, TBQ, I made a list. It was a good one too, but I went to the store without the list bought ice cream instead. “The Mentor” talked me into another one of these lists too and I went back to the store and bought wine instead…lots of wine.

But that phrasing, “If you’re not this then never mind.” I decided to try again. As I wrote, I saw natural categories of the list. The first set were core principles. The second, for joy or fun and third, were action items. Some may see this list as basic, but nothing that becomes a nonnegotiable, a dealbreaker, is basic. So…here it is:

If You’re Not This, Then Never Mind

  • If you’re not a Christian, then never mind.
  • If you’re not working, then never mind.
  • If you’re not a Democrat, then never mind.
  • If you’re not politically minded, then never mind.
  • If you’re not a beach lover, then never mind.
  • If you’re not a music lover, then never mind.
  • If you’re not a sports fan, then never mind.
  • If you’re not going to buy me flowers, then never mind.
  • If you’re not going to respect my Southern ways, then never mind.
  • If you’re not going to respect my motherhood, then never mind.

I’ve carried this list with me for months…and I have neither added to it nor edited it since I originally wrote it. It’s just this simple. These embody my three secrets: decide, discover and deliver. The master grocery list. The nonnegotiables. The deal breakers.

Don’t spend too much time trying to dig holes into mine. Instead, take that time to write your own. Write your very own milk, bread and ham! Enjoy the ice cream, steak and locally made soap along the way…but don’t forget the milk, bread and ham either.And please, don’t buy the vanilla candle…you don’t like it. You know you don’t like it.

New Adventure? A Podcast! “Ask Me About” is Launched

On January 17, with my dear friend, member of  the bromance, “The Mentor”, we launched our podcast Ask Me About. We have spent a good deal of intentional discussion based on our past and current conversations about relationships and what we would like to share with others to create this podcast. Our goal is to share through our own experiences and research how to do better and be better in regards to relationships. 

First: please subscribe to the podcast in ITunes. And beyond subscribing, review it! 

Second: submit questions for us. We want to know what you want to know. Relationships, backgrounds, date ideas, appropriate undergarments (personal pet peeve of mine), ANYTHING!!! 

Third: listen and share. That’s all. Our podcasts will be less a than 30 minutes on average. Listen while you drive, getting ready for your day, cooking, or just chill out with it. 

The past two years have built up to this latest adventure. Your support is felt and very much appreciated. Many of you will get to hear my voice for the first time and that’s pretty exciting too! I look forward to speaking to you through an additional medium, and I hope you do too. 

“The Mentor” and I will be recording tonight so stay tuned. 

Just of note, I’m a huge podcast fan! Below are some of my favorites to check out as well:


Pantsuit Politics
Pop Culture Happy Hour
Death, Sex and Money

A Cougar’s Tale: I Wasn’t Smart Enough To Date You When I Was That Age

I assumed our age would make a difference, but no matter the clues I gave, you still asked me on a date. When I finally got up the nerve to ask your age and my response was “Fuck”, politely placed under my breath. And you, just smiled. No matter, you were a delight and so I agreed to see you again. 

Seeing you again was like a breath of fresh air. I also liked how you enjoyed a night at home. Movie, dinner couch time. One of the best. Dinner, drinks, a movie at home. 

The kicker…what got me going for you, was you wanted to watch baseball with me. That meant more to me than anything. 

Of course we ended up for the same team. Me for the Indians because I was a respectable Cardinals fan and the Indians had been your team since childhood. I haven’t had anyone to watch baseball with since Cleats. And through the post season, we watched your team make it to the World Series. 

It wasn’t their year, but in the end I enjoyed every moment of us watching and talking about baseball with you. And, basketball. Can’t wait for March Madness. 

Then there was the election. Still the election. What a rollercoaster? Again, our team didn’t win. You were so invested in her campaign, even so much more than me. We licked our wounds like most of the country and prepared for “the shit show” as we call it now. 

We finally discussed what our expectations were for the relationship. Mine were to enjoy the time with you and see where it goes. Yours were the same. Except, your final intention was to get married and have a family, “with someone who doesn’t have any children. I want my own family.” Once I realized the romantic relationship was finite, I checked out, and you did too. I totally agree with you and know when I was 25 I wouldn’t have imagined ending up with someone 12 years older and already had children. But when I was 25, I would have passed on you sadly. 

I was never as mature as you are now at 25. Never as motivated and driven. Never stuck to my beliefs and instincts. It’s terribly sad to realize, but our timing was off. I’m not sure who is ahead and who is behind. Even a 25 year old Sally would have missed you completely. 

I always wondered why women and men go younger? I know now. It’s a piece of our past we enjoyed. My family had already began at 25, but that time of life is amazing. “It’s all happeneing” some say. For you it definitely is. 

This experience has taught me not to count out any age guy. You may remember that night we talked about “how old could you go?” You asked me so I told you when I was 36, I went out with a 58 year old. You were shocked. 

“That’s too old.” He said.

“What?” I said. “It’s just 22 years older.”

“Yeah”, you said. “That’s a bit much.”

“Yes, we are aware how you feel on the subject.” 


Here’s what I am most thankful for. My new friend. We didnt break up, we evolved. We still talk daily, now that the romance is gone. We can even hangout and you are almost in the bromance, if you want to be. I enjoy you so much…so much more than I ever did when we were dating. And believe me, I enjoyed you then. 

The Force of Love That Sings in the Rain

“The love of my life.” That’s what some say we should hope to find. Typically, I find they are discussing the romantic love we devote an entire lifetime to. Either, being in love, looking for it or fighting to keep it. I have even had justifying, sad conversations about the love of your life already passing by. Your first true love when you are 17 and stupid and let it go. Or 21, stupid and let it go. In the lowest of the low moments, I think I could have just stayed married and been miserable like a majority of people do. That sounds awful, terrible, a waste of time, a waste of life and a waste of love. No one should ever subject themselves to that, but they do. So the question is, the one I have, does “the love of your life”, have to be romantic?

Classic and Sci Fi movie lovers along with the entirety of popular culture learned this week of the deaths of Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds. Fisher passed away on 12.27.16 and Reynolds on 12.28.16. For me personally, I am also facing the birthday of my oldest daughter on 12.30.16. I was shocked when I heard of Fisher’s death. I had recently listened to her interview on NPR with Terry Gross A few things stuck out to me in that interview, but the main one being how Fisher has become a beside caregiver for her mother through her recent decline n health. During the interview, Fisher talks about a period of her life at 19 and the relationship she had at that time. She was also filming Star Wars and the relationship she discusses is the affair she was having with married co star Harrison Ford.  She kept a journal of her time while she filmed Star Wars. Her last book, The Princess Diarist has many excerpts from this journal. During the interview; Gross asks Fisher to read from the book how she described the relationship with Ford during this period.

GROSS: In your journal that you kept during “Star Wars” you write a lot about your relationship with Harrison Ford. And I want to ask you to read an excerpt of that journal. This is where you’re describing how Harrison Ford was like a fantasy for you, but the fantasy did not always work out. And it was – you kind of projected a lot onto him, so if you could read an excerpt for us.

FISHER: Sure.

(Reading) We have no feeling for one another. We lie buried together during the night and haunt each other by day, acting out something that we don’t feel and seeing through something that doesn’t deserve any focus. I have never done anything quite like this. I sit patiently awaiting the consequences. I talk, walk, eat, sleep, patiently awaiting the consequences. How can a thing that doesn’t seem to be happening come to an end? George says that if you look at the person that someone chooses to have a relationship with, you’ll see what they think of themselves. So Harrison is what I think of myself. It’s hardly a relationship, but nevertheless he is a choice. I examined all the options and chose the most likely to leave no emotional investments. Never love for me, only obsession. Someone has to stand still for you to love them. My choices are always on the run.

I have looked back on my relationships, recent and prior to my marriage and recall them as extremely formative and scarily similar to what she describes above. “If you look at the person that someone chooses to have a relationship with, you’ll see what they think of themselves.” I haven’t been seeing myself in a very good light if this is the case. Attributes like dignity, responsibility, honesty and devotion are becoming very, very attractive.

princess-diarist

 

Following the news of their deaths, I wanted to hear from Reynolds so I found another interview. During the interview regarding her recent memoir “Unsinkable”

unsinkable

I was reminded and just as shocked to find out that Reynolds first husband Eddie Fisher, Carrie Fisher’s father, left the family to marry Elizabeth Taylor, Reynolds best friend. Over the years Reynolds attempted marriage two additional times with Harry Karl (1960-1973) and Richard Hamlet (1984-1996). During the time of Reynolds relationships, Fisher has the affair with Harrison Ford. She then is married to Paul Simon for one year (1983-1984). She was also briefly engaged to Dan Aykrod. She then had a child with Billy Catherine Lourd in 1992. Lourd left the relationship to be with another man. Fisher had a very successful professional life not only acting, but writing eight books and producing films. She unfortunately struggled with drug use and mental illness becoming an advocate in these areas. Many called the mother/daughter relationship complicated but at the end, they proved to be a tremendous support for each other. Fisher talks about being at her bedside in recent interviews and Reynolds was supportive of her daughter. Son of Reynolds and brother of Fisher, Todd Fisher is quoted saying that some of Reynolds last words were of Fisher; “I just want to be with Carrie.” Is it possible to die of a broken heart? I believe in this case, it was. All of this, topped with a year that was far disappointing on so many levels-multiple celebrity deaths, an election that makes many of us question the sanity of the American people; no matter what side you are on, but I have had a discovery thanks to the this mother daughter tragedy.

I have participated in many discussions regarding a full life. In my life, I don’t define its success by being in a current and more than likely disastrous romantic relationship. People in marriages, either visibly or internally shake their head at me…most of the time. However, let’s pose a question. Looking back on the timeline of Reynolds failed marriages, and Fishers failed relationships along with her mental health status and substance abuse, is it possible that the men in their lives were to root of the estrangement? Was the battle based in the nonrecognition of the true love of their lives, eachother?

I will continue to respect myself and the relationships I have with men, but after this deep moment of thought and reflection, I may join the realization that a man will not be the love of my life and enjoy that the loves of my life are already in my life. Present and accounted for are my children. Two delightful young ladies who I adore. The heart of this mother is full of these children’s love. My family. The gift of good parents is a blessing not to take lightly. A brother and now a sister in law that’s presence is a joy. Their love and marriage was one of the best things of 2016. My girlfriends. I will admit, in the past year I have neglected these ladies. One of my resolutions will be to spend more time developing deeper relationships with my group of female friends. As I look back, I was devoting more time to men and received no benefits from my devotions and these women are still here even though they have been neglected. My bromances. My sweet devoted male friends. So much they know, so much the honor and so many times they have kept me from the edge of insanity.

After that kind of acclaim and review, now you see why I am more focused on a truer love, a force that defies romance, men and women. So, here’s to Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher and all the other single mothers successfully surviving in their Motherhood. They were complete and were given the gift of “the loves of their lives” when Carrie Fisher was born to Debbie Reynolds. The thoughts of I am not complete until I am remarried is so 2016.

Please watch the tribute below and remember their love.

May the Force Be with Us All.

Reynolds/Fisher Tribute

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let’s Go Down a Rabbit Hole of Gilmore Girls and Review a Few Posts Too

gilmore-3gilmore-3Image result for Gilmore Girls Meme

I’d like to state that I recently celebrated a birthday, insignificant, but everyone keeps wishing my “Happy 21st”, so yes…let’s go with that.

With a recent birthday and the acknowledgement of the posts on social media this morning, I have another one that I prepped for marriage, (catch up by reading Failure to Launch Phenomenon). To be completely honest, I am happy for this couple as I have been for the others. They are happy and I wish them the best. To write a blog about dating and be vulnerable enough to share these stories, I have to respect the outcomes of my mismanaged, and dating disappointments. There is a lot of happiness out there and I can own my current situation stating that all of this is a part of a plan. Maybe part of this plan is for me to continue to share the stories. With you the reader and I both learning from them.

I have explored back to another notion as well…dating younger. The majority of this exploration has been refreshing as it was before. (Again, please review this previous post To Boldly Go…Younger.) Honesty, no games except for the ones I create in my head. I can’t make excuses. If you have been keeping up…yeah I’m cynical, and untrusting at this point. I avoid the comfort a nice dating relationship can bring because I remain in a constant nervous wreck of the bullshit I have been through.

Image result for Gilmore Girls Meme

But the question still remains…how young is too young? At my calculations…I am currently a good deal older than “Jones”. I haven’t been able to tell any differences, surprisingly. He likes old country. When some of these songs came out, I was in middle school and he was an infant, but how nice?  Let’s just put it this way, our age difference is the same age as one of my little ladies.  I am dealing well with it.  The relationship with Jones is still in development, Let’s keep going. This is fun.

Image result for Gilmore Girls Meme

Still, my most reviewed post and revisted post remains Break Up Via Selfie…Again? And I would like to note the significance of that while Derek remained single for a while…he is back to together with 2nd ex wife…again. I’ve lost count, but this may be the 4th or 5th time. Proudly, to get to this point, we only attempted to make plans…we never dated prior to his latest reunion. I still wonder why this one has so much draw to it. You really have to dig on the blog page to find it, but you can still google this blog or Sally H. Brown, and this entry always appears first. I noticed it being read recently and thought, keep reading whoever you are.

gilmore-1

Now, if we are going to review, let’s review the one that’s still hanging uncomfortably out there.: A Love I Can’t Carry Anymore       

Another popular choice of my readers, and the one I review most of all. Why? because I still haven’t faced it. The friendship has remained solid, but my honest friend in An Interview…An Intervention…a Convo with “Dated to Death” revealed, he knows…HE HAS KNOWN. So, let’s review. Friendship, solid and strong. He knows, I know he knows. The revelation-if he knows and I know he knows, then we both need to remain friends, right? I’m not discussing it and neither is he. Oh…denial, such a lovely place!

Image result for Gilmore Girls MemeAm I staying in denial? No. Am I staying home tonight to sufficiently acknowledge the blessing of another year older? No.  While that sounds like a reasonable, and likely smart idea…I’m heading out. My friends will surround me again to celebrate another amazing year to be Sally. I appreciate you all so very much. I said recently, “this will be the year of Sally!” But as I have reviewed these previous post and look out on the future…every year is the year of Sally and my lovely little ladies! And the future years will continue to be our years! Thank you for being with me on this journey.

Image result for Gilmore Girls Meme

 

And Your Tinder Match Received 4 Stars!

Many advances have helped the online dating sites. However, I need one more. I need a rating. I need the feedback of others who have been out with these guys. Especially those who don’t write anything in their bio. Who are you? I realize you like to hunt, fish, ride your Harley, skydive…and play the guitar but I need more.

Just a simple star rating is fine. I don’t typically eat at restaurants or purchase clothes with less than 3 out of 4 stars, so the same would apply here. But I also read the reviews. I realize there is always someone who can’t be pleased but the input is greatly appreciated.

For this development,  a few questions to be considered in the review section.

  1. Did he actually take you on a date? Yes, sometimes there is no intention of a date. I was asked recently to come over and snuggle. Ummm…I don’t know you, know where you live or know what your hygiene habits are! And further…what if you have bad breath, haven’t washed your sheets or your have like a million cats or dogs. Or, like to turn on the lights. I went to a guys house once and asked to use the restroom. He took me through the entire house in total darkness. Then I had to find my way back to the living room where there were no lights on except the TV. He asked if I wanted to stay.I said, no. I was afraid to see what the place looked like in the daylight.
  2. Did you have to plan the date or did he? yes, I am not kidding here either. He: Let’s meet. Me: That sounds like a great idea. Where would you like to go? When? What time works for you? He: Idk . . . . . . . .  Me: Well let’s meet at X on Saturday at 5. He: Idk. . . . . . . Me: Here’s my number, just text me. (123)555-7890. Saturday rolls around…and crickets. Why are you here dude? Why are you taking up space?
  3. Are you permanent to the area? Most apps are set up by location. My filter is set for less than 40 miles from my current location. So if a guy drives an 18-wheeler and I live 15 miles from the interstate, then he’s in my potential matches. And, they usually list their career as self-employed. I have learned how to spot a tractor trailer cab in a selfie in a snap! Or, are you here to visit your grandmother for 2 weeks or just stopped at the Cracker Barrell to eat on your way to or from the beach? I talked to a guy for an hour before I realized we matched while he stopped for gas and he was already home….in Cincinnati!
  4. Do you plan on actually meeting who you match with? I can text my friends, my mother, my brother…I don’t plan on texting you more than a day. Plan a date or move on buddy.
  5. Does he text you inappropriate things…immediately? To be perfectly honest, once in a relationship, a little fun t*(s)exting is really a good time. However….Well, just check out my message from this morning: tinder-postIt took 5 minutes for him to go there. And there are a variety of guys with fetishes. I am not judging them for it…you do you, but please don’t think that because I am on Tinder, that I would like to have a personal relationship with your dog! Yeah, wish I had that on a screenshot. And these are nice guys, with good jobs. They live in a nice area. On Tinder, you can’t judge a profile by its cover.
  6. Are they divorced? Are they in an open relationship? Does their significant other know they are telling women on Tinder they are in an open relationship or that they are already dating because their first meeting was with the divorce attorney is this week? “I’ll be divorced in a few months.” “I’m nearly divorced.” “She knows I am on Tinder, that’s why I put her pictures with me on my profile.” Yes, I am not kidding, they post pics of their significant others. Just wait until you recognize someone.
  7. And the kids. I will almost always swipe left, meaning a no, if there are any kids in the pics. Even the ones who say, “the kids in the pics are my nieces/nephews.” I don’t care! What makes you think, I am interested in how you smile with kids for pictures?
  8. Current/Previous Hang ups: Have you or are you currently in drug rehabilitation? No offense to the good people of a county nearby, but if a guys is on Tinder and from there…I immediately think he’s in a half way house staying sober. True story! And it all worked out. He was lovely, but still…really…is that a good idea to match with a girl who has a glass of wine in one of her pictures. Political status? Huge. One app, Bumble  will even let you put a filter around your pics. I appreciate that tremendously. Are you worried I may be taller than you? This is why they put their height on their profiles. Guess what? I will be taller than you more than likely. I like heels. Does it bother you that I am smart, carry on a conversation, live in my hometown, go to church…and enjoy it, etc.

Due to my unfortunate abundance of experience, I’d be happy to serve on a panel to have post date interviews and award a rating. The earning potential for time management alone would be worth it. I am sure there is money to be made or it is hopefully already in development. Until then, I will keep taking screenshots and texting these to my friends. Here is a thought.  If you are interested in being in this little experiment, go to my Facebook or Twitter profiles. Let me know you’d like to “judge” my matches and I’ll send you their profiles.

Facebook: @sexandthemotherhood

Twitter: @satmotherhood

Why even bother, you may be asking? For starters, the amount of laughter these incidents create is immeasurable. I’d give some of these conversations 4 stars. The issue is, without appropriate guidance, you can waste an evening, up to months with a guy whom, if you had had a little review, all of this waste of time could have been avoided. Two weeks ago, I fired up the ole Tinder again and I haven’t regretted it once. I’ve been out on three dates in two weeks. That was better than I was doing, right? And, just to be completely transparent, the fall is coming and the season of hiberdating is upon us. I’d really like to be settled and snuggled on a couch by the first frost…but not on the first date

The Kid and I…For the Love of the Game & Letters

For the Love of the Game

❤️⚾️

It took a while to find them. So much has happened since we wrote letters. I was 21, he was just turning 20. We had just rediscovered a friendship that quickly turned romantic. It was a Friday night and I had planned to stay in. That’s why I was home to answer the phone when you called. “Who, who is this?” Then it all came flashing back. Community college, baseball dorms, Dave Matthews Band. “Sally, I remember that night you walked in that party. I knew you were there for “Pele” but I thought you were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.” He was still in the Dimple of the Universe finishing his sophomore year. We had seen eachother several times over those few months in the spring and I really was happy to have “Kid” in my life. He, however, had plans to play ball for the summer in a wooden bat league in Iowa. I spent that summer being a nanny and trying to figure out how I could find time and money to fly out for a visit. With very limited internet, I did my best to keep up with his stats. Then there were the letters. Letters from Memphis to Murfreesboro. Letters where he always called me by my first and middle name. He signed them all beautifully-a signature he promised would be famous one day and  with his current baseball number. 

As I mentioned, I have found them, but I can’t read them. I can only stare at them…just thinking of how young and in love we were; it’s nearly unbearable. 

He found me once more. I had been divorced for a few weeks and this little thing called Facebook was just getting popular. One night on my lap top I got a message from him. “Is this my Kid? MyKid!” Yes, it was. He noticed I was traveling-at the beach and asked how it was, who was there; “why isn’t your husband with you?” This is before people put all the details on social media and I hadn’t exactly shared the story since the baby was only 6 weeks old. I explained. He was sorry-as most people were. Now a new type of letter had started-texting.

He came back near the Dimple, soon after that. He had achieved his dream, coaching baseball at his high school outside of Memphis. He was here for a coaches conference so we were able to meet. I never saw him again. We both wanted something to work out but he had met someone near Memphis and neither of us thought those feelings would be so strong…but they were. We were right back in the dorm, with Dave Matthews Band writing those letters. 

I have to remember I’m the one who pushed him away when I was 24. It was me, not him. 

I don’t know if I can get into these letters just yet, but thinking about it today, I purchased a very large box of wine…maybe after that I can face what’s in those letters.

I was brave enough when he called me recently. I was selfless enough to tell him everything would be ok, give it time, you don’t want to be this guy.

I wonder if he kept my letters? I wonder if he’s brave enough to read them. I guess I’ll listen to Dave Matthew Band and read these. 

DMB Say Goodby

Universe Giveth…Universe Taketh Away

I have brief and spread, far enough apart, periods of time separated from the little ladies. Many, many, many times I have sat alone thinking “now is when I need someone.” Recently, that issue resolved itself…

I have been focusing on asking for exactly what I want. Very specific things. And it has finally, finally worked! The last time when I had a free week, I asked for someone to date during that time. I got exactly what I asked for. Then like there was an invisible, muted timer, he was gone. The evening after our last date, I received a message telling me that “we needed to slow down”, “it’s not you, it’s me.” ” I think you are beautiful, kind, sweet. And there’s no one else.” And….


I just want to point out I had specifically asked for someone to fill this time…the universe listened and supplied him. I asked for this?… Yes, yes I did! And in a strange way, I may have asked him to go.


Surprisingly, I’ve been totally fine with it. And I fear it’s because I was developing “FOMO: The fear of missing out”. This may be why so many of my relationships never work. I find myself by date three thinking is this just a waste of time? If the thought comes in then I might as well tell him so we can part without the drama. At this age, we can cut the bull…you have something better, you have hang ups, you have a manipulative tween, whatever-shoot me straight and don’t waste my time. I’ll do the same for you. 

Universe Giveth…Universe Taketh Away


I was hanging out with a few of my “bro-mances ” (I needed to be with those men who love me). They were very proud and supportive of me for putting myself back out there and doing something without any buyers remorse after the deal had sunk in. I worry that over and over again the ends of a relationship doesn’t sadden me but is a source of relief. Over and over, this thing we call dating is a negative source of endless crap that is unnecessary. 

I have an announcement!:

“Men of Dimple-and surrounding counties, you have asked the universe for easy to date women…we are ready! But, are you?” 

So women of Dimple-how about us? Are we going to be ready? To drop the bull, the drama and the overthinking! I feel we can own the Universe so we give them what they ask. Let’s do it Universe of women. Don’t be sorry…just own it and remind them, you are exactly what they asked for. Beyonce Sorry