I have recently fired up the online dating again. Thought it would be good to distract me from others I have been thinking of often. So far, I am yet again fairly popular. I have no trouble setting up dates and further more, having good dates. I showed up Monday to one in my workout clothes, ponytail and mostly sweated off make up. And again…success! He loved me. What happens next is what I struggle with the most. These great dates lead to burn outs or the relationships just fade away.
I would really like to know how to keep the momentum going after a great date. Am I blowing it all on the first date and they are done with me? That’s the burn out. Worse I think is if the momentum continues through multiple dates and then-“fade away”. Conversations change, lose excitement. Tones change, become boring and not even worth my time.
But is it worth my time? Today as I was explaining my frustrations to a work friend, I realized I was describing a relationship that I had been wanting and asking for. I hear from him on a regular basis. We have casual dates on a regular basis. He is caring and smart. He can talk to me and lets me talk.
I may possibly be okay with the current situation if it weren’t for the fact that I feel something is missing. When I was in college and dating my now ex-husband we were hanging out at a friend’s apartment. One of the girls said, “hey-who has my Baby Makin Music CD?” And so it begins…an entire CD solely based on 90’s and early 2000’s R&B. Those old school slow dance or slow “whatever” songs. The ones the boy put on when he drove out to Albert Matthews Road. This is where the girl acting like she didn’t know what was about to go down. “Where are we going?” as she finishes her 2nd Bud Ice. One of my favorites; LL Cool J. “Doin It and Doin It and Doin It Well” Remember this one?
Where did that kind of excitement go?
Here’s my point, is it me or is it him or is it us? No sparks and I continue or give up and wait on sparks? And always, always, in the back of my mind-IS THIS WORTH GETTING HURT OVER?
I was driving home tonight, damn Adele came on. When will her music stop being my biography?! The hurt and pain is still there. I survived a damn divorce while I was pregnant! I came out strong and ready to love again. Where did those feelings go? I avoid relationships that matter like a stomach bug!
“If, this is my last night with you, hold me like I’m more than just a friend. Give me a memory I can use. Take me by the hand and do what lovers do. It matters how this ends, cause WHAT IF I NEVER LOVE AGAIN.”-Adele