Is Timing Really Everything?

“It’s a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you’re ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now.”-Purple Clover

Its only a matter of time.

Give it time.

Timing is everything.

Time is of the essence.

Its not the right time.

Once upon a time.

So little time.

One day at a time.

Life goes on.

Time is on my side.

I have a timing problem. On more than one occasion, this has been used as an excuse to end a relationship. We have become selfish with our time. We tell people that they are time vampires, sucking it away from others or events.

I remember when I was getting ready to plan my family, I wondered is this the right time? do I have enough money? enough resources? etc. Numerous times, I was told by seasoned parents that it’s never the ‘right time’ to have a baby. Boy were they right. But timing being what it is, I got my baby girls and time marches on.

I have been living in the dating season for six years. It has been a time of interesting encounters, meaningful relationships, growth, happiness and heartbreak.

One way to have time on your side is to date online. “They” are there when you are available and you can devote as much or as little time pursuing the one. You don’t even have to get dressed up or go anywhere. Click on the app and boom, as many people as you wish instantly ready to discuss how many kids you have, where do you work, hobbies, and some times topics that may be deemed inappropriate for this blog. This is when I take the time to explain to these potential suitors “Aint nobody got time for that.” A few times, the chatting has ended up being a waste of time, but in many cases it has been a good time well spent. Upcoming date in a few days so we will see.

Time does pass but the memories and the relationships do not. They come back to visit from time to time. Many instances its not the guy, it could be their family or friends. It is very easy to avoid them in public, avoid eye contact but bring social media into the picture there is no where to run. A few clicks and you can you update yourself to their current status or even dig back in time to when you were a part of their lives. Or on the other end, their friends and family can do this… and stir it back up.

A few weeks  ago I was visited via social media by an ex’s mother. She private messaged me on Facebook. Now, let me give you a bit of history. I dated her son for about 5 minutes. It was a “drunk on you, high on summertime” moment. Anyway, the temperature dropped and so did he….dropped off the face of the earth.

A good bit of time has passed since our break up, but I honestly didn’t realize that I had pics of him  on my profile. In her message she asked why I still had pics of her son on my Facebook. “You know he’s engaged now to a really nice lady.”I may also mention that the “nice lady” he is engaged to….I was a bridesmaid in her first wedding. I stated this to her as nice as possible and explained I would take those pics down. It took me 45 minutes to dig back into my pictures and find him! She must have time on her side to troll my page and know that buried deep were two pics of her son and I. This was about two pictures posted over 2 1/2 years ago! Talk about “panties in a wad”, but whose? His, Momma’s or the fiance. To sum it up, it doesn’t matter. I was wasting time trying to figure it out. I removed the pictures, messaged her back-wished her well and then blocked her! I was happy to spend the total hour to officially remove him and his family from my life, but its a small town and I am sure our time will come again.

I’ve never been afraid of time, but now I just don’t know. My timing is off, not in sync or just wrong. On multiple relationships opportunities, everything will be right. Attraction, common interest, goals, wants for life but again and again, the timing is not right. To be completely honest I am damn tired of this excuse!

If we go back to basics, let’s take a look at one of  the oldest books for reference on time:

Ecclesiastes 3 

A season for everything

There’s a season for everything
    and a time for every matter under the heavens:
    a time for giving birth and a time for dying,
    a time for planting and a time for uprooting what was planted,
    a time for killing and a time for healing,
    a time for tearing down and a time for building up,
    a time for crying and a time for laughing,
    a time for mourning and a time for dancing,
    a time for throwing stones and a time for gathering stones,
    a time for embracing and a time for avoiding embraces,
    a time for searching and a time for losing, a time for keeping and a time for throwing away,
    a time for tearing and a time for repairing,
    a time for keeping silent and a time for speaking,
    a time for loving and a time for hating,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

1 Corinthians 13 

Love: the universal spiritual gift

13 If I speak in tongues of human beings and of angels but I don’t have love, I’m a clanging gong or a clashing cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and I know all the mysteries and everything else, and if I have such complete faith that I can move mountains but I don’t have love, I’m nothing. If I give away everything that I have and hand over my own body to feel good about what I’ve done but I don’t have love, I receive no benefit whatsoever.

Love is patient, love is kind, it isn’t jealous, it doesn’t brag, it isn’t arrogant, it isn’t rude, it doesn’t seek its own advantage, it isn’t irritable, it doesn’t keep a record of complaints, it isn’t happy with injustice, but it is happy with the truth. Love puts up with all things, trusts in all things, hopes for all things, endures all things.

Love never fails. As for prophecies, they will be brought to an end. As for tongues, they will stop. As for knowledge, it will be brought to an end. We know in part and we prophesy in part; 10 but when the perfect comes, what is partial will be brought to an end.11 When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, reason like a child, think like a child. But now that I have become a man, I’ve put an end to childish things. 12 Now we see a reflection in a mirror; then we will see face-to-face. Now I know partially, but then I will know completely in the same way that I have been completely known. 13 Now faith, hope, and love remain—these three things—and the greatest of these is love.

Certain words or phrases stick out to me: Patience,  never fails, love puts up with all things, a season for everything. Is it us or is it timing? If we have been given free will, then why do we chose to let timing be our excuse? 

Time after time I am graced with the amazing gift of friendships. One in particular, ‘P’ has had a tremendous impact on how I overcome and deal with the good times and bad times. We have extremely similar experiences with timing. He recently posted on Facebook:

“Observant, aware and grateful that the right people keep entering my life at the right time and the wrong people are leaving.”

I know what I control and that is my actions and my attitudes. I can’t control other’s timing but I can control how I deal with it. I plan to spend my time being a part of great relationships, having fun, eating good dinners, listening to music, drinking some of the best spirits, kissing, loving all those in my life and being ready….its time and I have time for it!

“I think people spend too much time staring into screens and not enough time drinking wine, tongue kissing, and dancing under the moon.”-Rachel Wolchin

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“You Find Out That Life is Just a Game of Inches.”

Any Given Sunday, Tony D’Amato played by Al Pacino

“I don’t know what to say really. Three minutes to the biggest battle of our professional lives
all comes down to today. Either we heal as a team or we are going to crumble.
Inch by inch play by-play till we’re finished. We are in hell right now, gentlemen believe me
and we can stay here and get the shit kicked out of us or we can fight our way back into the light. We can climb out of hell.
One inch, at a time.

Now I can’t do it for you. I’m too old. I look around and I see these young faces
and I think I mean I made every wrong choice a middle age man could make.
I uh…. I pissed away all my money believe it or not.
I chased off anyone who has ever loved me. And lately,
I can’t even stand the face I see in the mirror.

You know when you get old in life things get taken from you.
That’s, that’s part of life. But, you only learn that when you start losing stuff.
You find out that life is just a game of inches. So is football.
Because in either game life or football the margin for error is so small.
I mean one half step too late or too early you don’t quite make it.
One half second too slow or too fast and you don’t quite catch it.
The inches we need are everywhere around us. They are in ever break of the game
every minute, every second.

On this team, we fight for that inch. On this team, we tear ourselves, and everyone around us
to pieces for that inch. We CLAW with our fingernails for that inch.
Cause we know when we add up all those inches
that’s going to make the fucking difference between WINNING and LOSING
between LIVING and DYING.

I’ll tell you this in any fight it is the guy who is willing to die who is going to win that inch.
And I know if I am going to have any life anymore it is because, I am still willing to fight, and die for that inch
because that is what LIVING is. The six inches in front of your face.

Now I can’t make you do it. You gotta look at the guy next to you.
Look into his eyes. Now I think you are going to see a guy who will go that inch with you.
You are going to see a guy who will sacrifice himself for this team
because he knows when it comes down to it, you are gonna do the same thing for him.

That’s a team, gentlemen and either we heal now, as a team, or we will die as individuals.
That’s football guys. That’s all it is.
Now, whattaya gonna do?”

My brother downloaded that speech to our Napster account in 1999 or 2000. I have always found it, first and foremost one of the best theatrical speeches of all time! I highly recommend you watch it:

Over time,  I have gone back to it for different reasons. Today I come to it again. I have chased numerous relationships into the ground. I have fought to make it work so hard that I have blown it. I feel like I am “moving the ball” closer to the first down all by myself. If “life is a game of inches” then I have covered several football fields and only made it to the end zone a few times.

I have to state that the defensive line is playing a completely different game these days. Every moment to move the ball is critical to the game. Not one misstep can take place. Show attention, but not too much. Be available, but don’t ask to make plans. Furthermore, don’t just assume because it’s the weekend that there will be any plans at all. “Because in either game of life or football the margin for error is so small.I mean one half step too late or too early you don’t quite make it. One half second too slow or too fast and you don’t quite catch it. The inches we need are everywhere around us. They are in ever break of the game every minute, every second.”

The defense doesn’t even have to try, I just place the ball in their hands! Here it is, now run with it!  How have I not seen it before? As much as I love and understand football, that is exactly what middle-aged dating is. Just one turnover after another!

The ball is me my support, my love, my time, my devotion. The issue is, I’ve been gaining inches and yards and working to death to get those inches…and haven’t had control of the ball or the game not once. I have “fought and died for that inch”. 

Unfortunately, in our lives the divorce and break up numbers are increasing by the second. So ladies and gentlemen, we have to stick together and hold the defense accountable. We have to stop mishandling the ball! Our feelings, emotions, sanity and the ability to raise our children to see strength and courage is on the line!

“We are in hell right now, gentlemen(ladies) believe me and we can stay here and get the shit kicked out of us or we can fight our way back into the light. We can climb out of hell.One inch, at a time.”

Take Care,

Sarah