A Love I Can’t Carry Anymore       

Do not read without watching this:
Only a few times have I been afraid to write…this is one of them. So I’m releasing my vulnerability and going to put this out there.

Last night I stayed up too late waiting on “Hero” to make me breakfast. I mean it was 3 am! And the words started coming out of my mouth…”you know I like him right?”

I have been focused recently on building real friendships, true relationships with people I can trust my truth with. These relationships have brought in people like Hero and the friend who will remain “Nameless”. He has another blog name, but I’m just not that brave right now. This blog is a second step. The first step was when I said it out loud to Hero. These friendships have been amazing as I still struggle with so much that has happened in the last year. Nameless has been there at the end of all of them. And I’ve been there at the end of his too. One night after dinner, the bartender said,”Are you sure you are just friends? I never see him talk to anyone the way he talks to you…and I never see anyone talk to him the way you talk to him.”

So I confessed last night to “Hero” all about it. Why I don’t say anything or do anything because I want to keep our friendship. He made a good point, “what if he feels the same way?” This is where I’m letting my fear get in the way. I can’t make it without him. I don’t want that to show. I’m afraid if he knows, he’ll stop being my friend. I’m too afraid to be without him and not brave enough to be honest with him.

Damn it! I’m a mess. Let’s break for a video while I get it back together.

I don’t know a girl who doesn’t put herself in a  Julie Roberts movie through out her life. I am currently in “My Best Friends Wedding”.

That’s what I was trying to explain to Hero this morning-this never ends well.

I watched Grace go through this…she fell for her best friend and it nearly ruined our group and most definitely their friendship. The group actually disbanded for almost 9 months. I pretend she has forgiven him for hurting her, but if I know Grace she hasn’t. It’s never been what it was before. I can’t risk that, can I? Should I? I’d really like to ask…what happened to Jules and Michael after the wedding?

No one makes me happier. I live for his smile and his laughter. He makes me forget all those who have hurt me.

“Kimmie says, if you love someone, you say it, right then, out loud. Otherwise the moment just passes you by.”

What if Nameless prefers Creme Brûlée and I’m just Jello?

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