“Because love, it’s not an emotion. Love is a promise and he will never hurt her.” – The Doctor

How easily I cried. Drop a tear, just in a blink. All the ones that didn’t matter. The short term ones. The ones that never loved me back. Cried for days. Lamented over music. Called friends to cheer me up and drink with me. Burned letters, cut up their clothes. I experienced so much pain for them, but you…why haven’t I cried for you? I came home every night, alone and dealt with it with both eyes dry as a bone. Why haven’t I cried?

Clara Oswald claimed she was owed. That’s where we begin this attempt at crying today. Her love, Danny Pink, has just been killed. #spoilers.

“I’d say I was sorry, but I’d do it again.”, Clara

The ability to trust my judgement is over. I was convinced this was my forever happiness. That in no way I’d ever be in this place again. Now, single, I find myself very angry not at you but at myself. I’d do it again though. All of it. I guess that’s the difference. The others I wept for, I wish I could I have missed experiencing, however you, I’d do the last 8 months all over again.

“Be strong. Even if it breaks your heart.”, The Doctor

And…

“Cut out the whining while you are at it, we have work to do.”, The Doctor

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“Cupid Demanded Back His Arrow.”-Lost Stars by Adam Levine

How does one even begin to tell the story when one doesn’t even know what happened. What event or action caused this? (This feels like process statements my youngest has for homework.) I wish I knew more. I only know the ending.

I drove away, in a daze, in a fog of disbelief. To top it off in true “Dimple of the Universe” form, a run-in with a coworker as I attempted to get in my car without him noticing my distress. I repeatedly listened to “Lost Stars”,a song from the soundtrack of the movie with the same name.

Lost Stars

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When I had children, I was given one job. To give these children my best. That level of best is me pushing myself beyond exhaustion, financial brokenness and the brink of socially acceptable sanity. My last post Hello, Adult Protective Services… left me with a lot of guilt. Like a football kicker, parents have one job. You know what I mean, when the kicker misses, I’m yelling “YOU’VE GOT ONE JOB!”

My girls have been on a recent break from school and have been home. If I had the money, I’d stay home and homeschool them. It’s been glorious. No homework, no practices. Just dinner and relaxing at home. They’ve been all mine and I’ve been theirs…and I’ve never felt more lonely. The good news is, children have more forgiving power than adults.

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Yeah…that’s really all I have. I still don’t know what happened. But I do know this. I only want to be a good mother. My youngest will be “out of the house” in nine years. Maybe I’ll get it together by then.

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Universe Giveth…Universe Taketh Away

I have brief and spread, far enough apart, periods of time separated from the little ladies. Many, many, many times I have sat alone thinking “now is when I need someone.” Recently, that issue resolved itself…

I have been focusing on asking for exactly what I want. Very specific things. And it has finally, finally worked! The last time when I had a free week, I asked for someone to date during that time. I got exactly what I asked for. Then like there was an invisible, muted timer, he was gone. The evening after our last date, I received a message telling me that “we needed to slow down”, “it’s not you, it’s me.” ” I think you are beautiful, kind, sweet. And there’s no one else.” And….


I just want to point out I had specifically asked for someone to fill this time…the universe listened and supplied him. I asked for this?… Yes, yes I did! And in a strange way, I may have asked him to go.


Surprisingly, I’ve been totally fine with it. And I fear it’s because I was developing “FOMO: The fear of missing out”. This may be why so many of my relationships never work. I find myself by date three thinking is this just a waste of time? If the thought comes in then I might as well tell him so we can part without the drama. At this age, we can cut the bull…you have something better, you have hang ups, you have a manipulative tween, whatever-shoot me straight and don’t waste my time. I’ll do the same for you. 

Universe Giveth…Universe Taketh Away


I was hanging out with a few of my “bro-mances ” (I needed to be with those men who love me). They were very proud and supportive of me for putting myself back out there and doing something without any buyers remorse after the deal had sunk in. I worry that over and over again the ends of a relationship doesn’t sadden me but is a source of relief. Over and over, this thing we call dating is a negative source of endless crap that is unnecessary. 

I have an announcement!:

“Men of Dimple-and surrounding counties, you have asked the universe for easy to date women…we are ready! But, are you?” 

So women of Dimple-how about us? Are we going to be ready? To drop the bull, the drama and the overthinking! I feel we can own the Universe so we give them what they ask. Let’s do it Universe of women. Don’t be sorry…just own it and remind them, you are exactly what they asked for. Beyonce Sorry