Anniversaries, Hydration and Popcorn

I have started a Facebook Live series called Three Things. It is a way I can reach my readers in a more personal way.

In the blogosphere, I tend to aim for perfection. This is the main reason why there is so much delay between posts. I have at least four drafts that are continually being tweaked with no publishing date in sight. I will attempt to tie those blogs into Three Things and get those messages out. In the meantime, here are my recent Three Things.

1. Happy Anniversary Parental Units

41 years! So that means I turn 40 this year. (For another day.) Your marriage and parenting of my and my brother was superb. Through you I learned the value of a partner, what love truly looks like and how to find the joy and fun in everyday. Also, the value of work and to always be involved in your local community. When I marry again, I hope my marriage mirrors yours.

2. Hydration

School started back last week. It was a difficult transition for my family. We do summer really well. So well, that we squeezed in one last trip to the beach and caught the girls first Dave Matthews Band show. We missed their orientation and Back to School Bash. Anyway, the first day of school hit me like a mack truck! I posted my first live video on Sex and the Motherhood’s Facebook page. It was received with mixed reviews but I remain supportive of my thoughts in that moment. However, I did pause and wonder, why was I such an angry lady in that moment. Finally, it came to me. I had taken in little to no water that day. Huge light bulb moment! I will encourage you as I encourage myself, start your day with a large glass of water. While you are at it, roll on some mood enhancing essential oils. Patchouli and Bergamot are a few of my favs. Diffusers are abundant and affordable. Keep one going on high during big stress times…for me, all the time. I am always brewing something!

3. Popcorn

I found several years ago the most effective way to control my mouth at youth sports events was to snack on popcorn. This keeps me from shouting at the officials, my kids, other kids, other parents and cussing is only mumbled at the risk of choking.

I have now decided it’s a time in my life where I need popcorn at a moments notice. Mostly because I have become this person:

Recently at a town hall type meeting I literally took my own popcorn to watch how people responded to the different topics and they did not disappoint. Call me petty, you are probably right. But at least I had a snack and was able to leave the meeting with my head high and not embarrassed by the comments I kept to myself…or texted my friends in the meeting. But those who spoke, spoke with dignity, respect and positivity! Just what that group needed! You go momma bears!

If you have any topic you’d like to address for Three Things, comment below and I will do my best.

Take care and peace in your daily lives.

Sally

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“Because love, it’s not an emotion. Love is a promise and he will never hurt her.” – The Doctor

How easily I cried. Drop a tear, just in a blink. All the ones that didn’t matter. The short term ones. The ones that never loved me back. Cried for days. Lamented over music. Called friends to cheer me up and drink with me. Burned letters, cut up their clothes. I experienced so much pain for them, but you…why haven’t I cried for you? I came home every night, alone and dealt with it with both eyes dry as a bone. Why haven’t I cried?

Clara Oswald claimed she was owed. That’s where we begin this attempt at crying today. Her love, Danny Pink, has just been killed. #spoilers.

“I’d say I was sorry, but I’d do it again.”, Clara

The ability to trust my judgement is over. I was convinced this was my forever happiness. That in no way I’d ever be in this place again. Now, single, I find myself very angry not at you but at myself. I’d do it again though. All of it. I guess that’s the difference. The others I wept for, I wish I could I have missed experiencing, however you, I’d do the last 8 months all over again.

“Be strong. Even if it breaks your heart.”, The Doctor

And…

“Cut out the whining while you are at it, we have work to do.”, The Doctor

Best of 2017

Instead of resolutions, I decided to focus on the greatness of 2017. I have composed my personal bests and favorites of the last 12 months.

Best Trip of My Life: London and Paris with my Father

I am still amazed that it even happened! It was a life changing experience. It influenced several adjustments in my life and also my view of not only “Dimple of the Universe” but my view on living. Traveling is now a regular experience I will continue to plan.

Best Book: The Nightingale

One thing I wish I had done to prepare for my trip to France was learn the language. This was also true with this book. I am so glad I listened to the audio version. I was able to hear the lovely, beauty of the language through the amazing love and tragedy of this story. I have recommended this book to everyone I could.

Best Wife-In-Law: Mandy “Gina” Barry. You have been such a wonderful friend to me but an even better step mother to my children. Thank you this year, the past years and in the future…I’ll bring the wine next time.

Best Podcast: Ask Me About

Look for our next episode tomorrow, Jan 1 2018 to focus on both our bests of 2017. Ross Jaynes is a wonderful cohost, producer and technical guide!

Best Series to Binge: The Marvelous Mrs Maisel

I was already excited about this, then I learned that the creator and writer of Gilmore Girls Amy Sherman-Palladino was the creator and writer for this. It didn’t disappoint! I was even more enthusiastic after I successfully attempted my first stand up routine the week before.

Best Place for Stand Up: Cities

I wrote a five minute stand up routine the day before, worked eight hours and showed up to a sold out crowd! So let’s do it again!

Get tickets here

Best “Dimple of the Universe”: Mine! Columbia TN. Not just 2017, but 2018, 2019, 2020 and just keep going. I love my “Dimple”! A few websites to check out: MyColumbia and ThatsColumbia. That’ll get you started.

Best Boyfriend: My ex. It’s still hard to believe that our perfect, happy relationship recently ended, but he was the best boyfriend. He has set a bar so high, I dare the next man to try!

Best Phrase: Get it Girl

Best Friends: My beautiful, adoring, faithful and loving friends!

Richard Pictures

I turned my Instagram privacy settings to public activating a website to find my #bestnineof2017. I forgot to turn them back on. This morning….in my private messages… “A Richard Picture”!

While dating or initially getting to know someone, these could be sent at the beginning of a romantic relationship. Once even sooner than that. How do I explain the shock and disappointment of their first text that contains a picture of a man’s Richard?

I’m not blaming social media or online dating. I’m not blaming pornography or the over sexualization of society. I’m not blaming anyone. My intention is to draw attention to an unwanted harassment that women have been enduring for centuries…we don’t want to see it!

The art world has been full of “Richard Pictures”. The percentage of male nudes in sculpture and paintings far outweighs those of females. I find it interesting that we have been looking at “Richard Pictures” for 100s of years! Even the cavemen! That’s right since the beginning of time, we’ve had to put up with this.

2017 has been full of numerous assaults on far more than our eyes. Men and women are in a state of daily sexual assaults and abuses in all levels. In a recent interview with Sam Sanders, host of Its Been a Minute, Rachel Brosnahan, Star of The Marvelous Mrs Maisel made comments in reference to the #metoo movement and her role on House Of Cards with Kevin Spacey. Spacey was one of the first to be named in the sexual assault wave. She asked that we focus on the amazing people doing outstanding work in our communities and societies stopping our constant conversations about this matter. Brosnahan: “It’s been one of the things that has been the most frustrating about this. I’m on a show that is also a part, one part of a very multifaceted solution. As I said to you earlier, this is a show that is created, written, directed and produced by an extraordinary woman and an extraordinary man about an extraordinary woman. This is a show that lifts women up, that highlights their battles, that employs them in front of and behind the camera. And so let’s stop talking about these terrible men and start talking about women who are creating exciting content, the courage of the women who have come forward, the fact that Robin (Wright) is taking over this show and she deserves that.”

Thank you Instagram user anon861 for this post. I have put the matter to rest and will turn my focus to the fabulous upcoming year. Bring it on 2018! The past 12 months haven’t brought us the best examples of love, decency and humanity. I know 2018 has the potential to give us another opportunity to be more appropriate professionally, socially and personally.

“Cupid Demanded Back His Arrow.”-Lost Stars by Adam Levine

How does one even begin to tell the story when one doesn’t even know what happened. What event or action caused this? (This feels like process statements my youngest has for homework.) I wish I knew more. I only know the ending.

I drove away, in a daze, in a fog of disbelief. To top it off in true “Dimple of the Universe” form, a run-in with a coworker as I attempted to get in my car without him noticing my distress. I repeatedly listened to “Lost Stars”,a song from the soundtrack of the movie with the same name.

Lost Stars

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When I had children, I was given one job. To give these children my best. That level of best is me pushing myself beyond exhaustion, financial brokenness and the brink of socially acceptable sanity. My last post Hello, Adult Protective Services… left me with a lot of guilt. Like a football kicker, parents have one job. You know what I mean, when the kicker misses, I’m yelling “YOU’VE GOT ONE JOB!”

My girls have been on a recent break from school and have been home. If I had the money, I’d stay home and homeschool them. It’s been glorious. No homework, no practices. Just dinner and relaxing at home. They’ve been all mine and I’ve been theirs…and I’ve never felt more lonely. The good news is, children have more forgiving power than adults.

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Yeah…that’s really all I have. I still don’t know what happened. But I do know this. I only want to be a good mother. My youngest will be “out of the house” in nine years. Maybe I’ll get it together by then.

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Even a Superhero Cant Save Themselves

First modern save the damsel guy, that I can recall; Richard Geer in Pretty Woman.

Pretty Woman White Knight on a Limo

But here’s what I’ve found-he didn’t save her. “So what happens after he rescues her?”

“She rescues him right back.”

She saved him! Vivian Ward was likely on the brink of leaving the world’s oldest profession prior to meeting Edward Lewis. Already successful as a prostitute and keeping her best friend out of harms way, she had a few more tricks and she would have been out. Edward was drowning in his success and guilt. He was unhappy and unfulfilled. Vivian listened to him, built him up and loved him back into humanity. All Edward did was buy her some clothes, take her to dinner and all while riding in a limo. Let’s not leave out the inappropriate relationship with his business partner that nearly caused her rape. Truth be told, given the right circumstances, Vivian would/could do that for herself. Watch the movie again. Vivian saved Edward. And in the end, he only came back for her because he knew he was too weak to do it alone. Vivian saved Edward.

Society introduces the idea that women think they need saving, but I have found in the last nine plus years, women don’t need saving, but men do. Countless times I have found myself in the midst of my own trials, just to have to stifle my emotions to handle the issues of the man in my life.

Get it together.

Keep your head on straight.

Don’t show too many emotions.

Don’t be that girl.

Need more income, get a second job.

Need more income, get a third job.

Would my Knight come if I completely crumbled under the pressures of life? I’m sure my imminent mensuration would be placed in question and I’d be told to dry my eyes.

No one is coming to save you dear one. There are no hero’s. People are people and when the truth is told-we all need saving, and no one person is solely responsible for your salvation.

Shut It Down! Deal Breaker

             

What is perfect? How do you define it? What is part of your perfect? Are there versions of perfection? How does one even begin to explore perfection?

When I examine perfection, I’m more than curious not to what it is but how do you get there? Could it be similar to going to the grocery store without a list? Just hear me out.

In the book, Raving Fans, there are three secrets to creating a Raving Fan for your business. The book is focused on creating loyalty. The three secrets are Decide, Discover and Deliver.

  1. You have to “Decide” what you want.
  2. You have to “Discover” what your customer wants.
  3. Then you deliver the vision plus one percent.

This concept can be culture changing for an organization and quite possibly life changing for those of us…well like me. I have a semi successful dating history, but struggle with the purpose and want to make sure we are following the best steps along the way. “But Sally, how is this like going to the grocery store?”

grocery-list
Have you ever had that little trip to the grocery. You need milk, bread and ham. You don’t need a list for these items…you can do this without it. One hour and $200 later you walk out of the store with everything but milk, bread and ham. How frustrating? Or is it? Instead of the simple items…you now have wine, ice cream, steak, potatoes, three types of potato chips, sriracha sauce, new locally made soap and a vanilla candle. (You really don’t like vanilla candles, but it smelled so good in the store.) Not a thing wrong with these items, but still all you needed was milk, bread, ham and that $200 back.
Just like in Raving Fans, nothing wrong with the way you have been running your business and taking care of customers, but where is the intention. And how do you know if its working? Do all these extra items create a sustainable meal planning for the week?

Are you with me now? Do you see what I’ve been doing? I’ve been shopping without a list. (For men…not groceries.)

In a previous post, New Adventure? A Podcast! “Ask Me About” is Launched, I not only introduced you to my new adventure, the collaborative podcast Ask Me About , I listed some of my favorite podcast. One I am most fond of and will be referencing is Death, Sex and Money If You’re Not_____, Then Never Mind

In this particular episode, our host Anna Sale interviews actor Amy Landecker of Transendent. The focus of the interview is in regards to Landecker’s divorce and return to dating.

From the podcast: “Actor Amy Landecker got divorced in 2011. “It was the worst time of my whole life,” Amy says. “People told me it was going to get better and I didn’t believe them.” Amy and her ex-husband share custody of their daughter, and Amy struggled with being away from her for days at a time.”

Now, I’m used to this story, I’ve told this story. But I really tuned in when she explained that her daughter was the one to tell her it was time to date. “My daughter was worried that I was gonna be alone and…she was like, let’s just make a list of the qualities that we’re looking for,” Amy laughs. “So she takes out this piece of paper and she titles it, ‘If You’re Not This, Then Never Mind.'”

I’ve made several of these lists before, at the recommendations of many people. Prayerfully, by Gametime friend, TBQ, I made a list. It was a good one too, but I went to the store without the list bought ice cream instead. “The Mentor” talked me into another one of these lists too and I went back to the store and bought wine instead…lots of wine.

But that phrasing, “If you’re not this then never mind.” I decided to try again. As I wrote, I saw natural categories of the list. The first set were core principles. The second, for joy or fun and third, were action items. Some may see this list as basic, but nothing that becomes a nonnegotiable, a dealbreaker, is basic. So…here it is:

If You’re Not This, Then Never Mind

  • If you’re not a Christian, then never mind.
  • If you’re not working, then never mind.
  • If you’re not a Democrat, then never mind.
  • If you’re not politically minded, then never mind.
  • If you’re not a beach lover, then never mind.
  • If you’re not a music lover, then never mind.
  • If you’re not a sports fan, then never mind.
  • If you’re not going to buy me flowers, then never mind.
  • If you’re not going to respect my Southern ways, then never mind.
  • If you’re not going to respect my motherhood, then never mind.

I’ve carried this list with me for months…and I have neither added to it nor edited it since I originally wrote it. It’s just this simple. These embody my three secrets: decide, discover and deliver. The master grocery list. The nonnegotiables. The deal breakers.

Don’t spend too much time trying to dig holes into mine. Instead, take that time to write your own. Write your very own milk, bread and ham! Enjoy the ice cream, steak and locally made soap along the way…but don’t forget the milk, bread and ham either.And please, don’t buy the vanilla candle…you don’t like it. You know you don’t like it.

New Adventure? A Podcast! “Ask Me About” is Launched

On January 17, with my dear friend, member of  the bromance, “The Mentor”, we launched our podcast Ask Me About. We have spent a good deal of intentional discussion based on our past and current conversations about relationships and what we would like to share with others to create this podcast. Our goal is to share through our own experiences and research how to do better and be better in regards to relationships. 

First: please subscribe to the podcast in ITunes. And beyond subscribing, review it! 

Second: submit questions for us. We want to know what you want to know. Relationships, backgrounds, date ideas, appropriate undergarments (personal pet peeve of mine), ANYTHING!!! 

Third: listen and share. That’s all. Our podcasts will be less a than 30 minutes on average. Listen while you drive, getting ready for your day, cooking, or just chill out with it. 

The past two years have built up to this latest adventure. Your support is felt and very much appreciated. Many of you will get to hear my voice for the first time and that’s pretty exciting too! I look forward to speaking to you through an additional medium, and I hope you do too. 

“The Mentor” and I will be recording tonight so stay tuned. 

Just of note, I’m a huge podcast fan! Below are some of my favorites to check out as well:


Pantsuit Politics
Pop Culture Happy Hour
Death, Sex and Money