Shut It Down! Deal Breaker

             

What is perfect? How do you define it? What is part of your perfect? Are there versions of perfection? How does one even begin to explore perfection?

When I examine perfection, I’m more than curious not to what it is but how do you get there? Could it be similar to going to the grocery store without a list? Just hear me out.

In the book, Raving Fans, there are three secrets to creating a Raving Fan for your business. The book is focused on creating loyalty. The three secrets are Decide, Discover and Deliver.

  1. You have to “Decide” what you want.
  2. You have to “Discover” what your customer wants.
  3. Then you deliver the vision plus one percent.

This concept can be culture changing for an organization and quite possibly life changing for those of us…well like me. I have a semi successful dating history, but struggle with the purpose and want to make sure we are following the best steps along the way. “But Sally, how is this like going to the grocery store?”

grocery-list
Have you ever had that little trip to the grocery. You need milk, bread and ham. You don’t need a list for these items…you can do this without it. One hour and $200 later you walk out of the store with everything but milk, bread and ham. How frustrating? Or is it? Instead of the simple items…you now have wine, ice cream, steak, potatoes, three types of potato chips, sriracha sauce, new locally made soap and a vanilla candle. (You really don’t like vanilla candles, but it smelled so good in the store.) Not a thing wrong with these items, but still all you needed was milk, bread, ham and that $200 back.
Just like in Raving Fans, nothing wrong with the way you have been running your business and taking care of customers, but where is the intention. And how do you know if its working? Do all these extra items create a sustainable meal planning for the week?

Are you with me now? Do you see what I’ve been doing? I’ve been shopping without a list. (For men…not groceries.)

In a previous post, New Adventure? A Podcast! “Ask Me About” is Launched, I not only introduced you to my new adventure, the collaborative podcast Ask Me About , I listed some of my favorite podcast. One I am most fond of and will be referencing is Death, Sex and Money If You’re Not_____, Then Never Mind

In this particular episode, our host Anna Sale interviews actor Amy Landecker of Transendent. The focus of the interview is in regards to Landecker’s divorce and return to dating.

From the podcast: “Actor Amy Landecker got divorced in 2011. “It was the worst time of my whole life,” Amy says. “People told me it was going to get better and I didn’t believe them.” Amy and her ex-husband share custody of their daughter, and Amy struggled with being away from her for days at a time.”

Now, I’m used to this story, I’ve told this story. But I really tuned in when she explained that her daughter was the one to tell her it was time to date. “My daughter was worried that I was gonna be alone and…she was like, let’s just make a list of the qualities that we’re looking for,” Amy laughs. “So she takes out this piece of paper and she titles it, ‘If You’re Not This, Then Never Mind.'”

I’ve made several of these lists before, at the recommendations of many people. Prayerfully, by Gametime friend, TBQ, I made a list. It was a good one too, but I went to the store without the list bought ice cream instead. “The Mentor” talked me into another one of these lists too and I went back to the store and bought wine instead…lots of wine.

But that phrasing, “If you’re not this then never mind.” I decided to try again. As I wrote, I saw natural categories of the list. The first set were core principles. The second, for joy or fun and third, were action items. Some may see this list as basic, but nothing that becomes a nonnegotiable, a dealbreaker, is basic. So…here it is:

If You’re Not This, Then Never Mind

  • If you’re not a Christian, then never mind.
  • If you’re not working, then never mind.
  • If you’re not a Democrat, then never mind.
  • If you’re not politically minded, then never mind.
  • If you’re not a beach lover, then never mind.
  • If you’re not a music lover, then never mind.
  • If you’re not a sports fan, then never mind.
  • If you’re not going to buy me flowers, then never mind.
  • If you’re not going to respect my Southern ways, then never mind.
  • If you’re not going to respect my motherhood, then never mind.

I’ve carried this list with me for months…and I have neither added to it nor edited it since I originally wrote it. It’s just this simple. These embody my three secrets: decide, discover and deliver. The master grocery list. The nonnegotiables. The deal breakers.

Don’t spend too much time trying to dig holes into mine. Instead, take that time to write your own. Write your very own milk, bread and ham! Enjoy the ice cream, steak and locally made soap along the way…but don’t forget the milk, bread and ham either.And please, don’t buy the vanilla candle…you don’t like it. You know you don’t like it.

And Your Tinder Match Received 4 Stars!

Many advances have helped the online dating sites. However, I need one more. I need a rating. I need the feedback of others who have been out with these guys. Especially those who don’t write anything in their bio. Who are you? I realize you like to hunt, fish, ride your Harley, skydive…and play the guitar but I need more.

Just a simple star rating is fine. I don’t typically eat at restaurants or purchase clothes with less than 3 out of 4 stars, so the same would apply here. But I also read the reviews. I realize there is always someone who can’t be pleased but the input is greatly appreciated.

For this development,  a few questions to be considered in the review section.

  1. Did he actually take you on a date? Yes, sometimes there is no intention of a date. I was asked recently to come over and snuggle. Ummm…I don’t know you, know where you live or know what your hygiene habits are! And further…what if you have bad breath, haven’t washed your sheets or your have like a million cats or dogs. Or, like to turn on the lights. I went to a guys house once and asked to use the restroom. He took me through the entire house in total darkness. Then I had to find my way back to the living room where there were no lights on except the TV. He asked if I wanted to stay.I said, no. I was afraid to see what the place looked like in the daylight.
  2. Did you have to plan the date or did he? yes, I am not kidding here either. He: Let’s meet. Me: That sounds like a great idea. Where would you like to go? When? What time works for you? He: Idk . . . . . . . .  Me: Well let’s meet at X on Saturday at 5. He: Idk. . . . . . . Me: Here’s my number, just text me. (123)555-7890. Saturday rolls around…and crickets. Why are you here dude? Why are you taking up space?
  3. Are you permanent to the area? Most apps are set up by location. My filter is set for less than 40 miles from my current location. So if a guy drives an 18-wheeler and I live 15 miles from the interstate, then he’s in my potential matches. And, they usually list their career as self-employed. I have learned how to spot a tractor trailer cab in a selfie in a snap! Or, are you here to visit your grandmother for 2 weeks or just stopped at the Cracker Barrell to eat on your way to or from the beach? I talked to a guy for an hour before I realized we matched while he stopped for gas and he was already home….in Cincinnati!
  4. Do you plan on actually meeting who you match with? I can text my friends, my mother, my brother…I don’t plan on texting you more than a day. Plan a date or move on buddy.
  5. Does he text you inappropriate things…immediately? To be perfectly honest, once in a relationship, a little fun t*(s)exting is really a good time. However….Well, just check out my message from this morning: tinder-postIt took 5 minutes for him to go there. And there are a variety of guys with fetishes. I am not judging them for it…you do you, but please don’t think that because I am on Tinder, that I would like to have a personal relationship with your dog! Yeah, wish I had that on a screenshot. And these are nice guys, with good jobs. They live in a nice area. On Tinder, you can’t judge a profile by its cover.
  6. Are they divorced? Are they in an open relationship? Does their significant other know they are telling women on Tinder they are in an open relationship or that they are already dating because their first meeting was with the divorce attorney is this week? “I’ll be divorced in a few months.” “I’m nearly divorced.” “She knows I am on Tinder, that’s why I put her pictures with me on my profile.” Yes, I am not kidding, they post pics of their significant others. Just wait until you recognize someone.
  7. And the kids. I will almost always swipe left, meaning a no, if there are any kids in the pics. Even the ones who say, “the kids in the pics are my nieces/nephews.” I don’t care! What makes you think, I am interested in how you smile with kids for pictures?
  8. Current/Previous Hang ups: Have you or are you currently in drug rehabilitation? No offense to the good people of a county nearby, but if a guys is on Tinder and from there…I immediately think he’s in a half way house staying sober. True story! And it all worked out. He was lovely, but still…really…is that a good idea to match with a girl who has a glass of wine in one of her pictures. Political status? Huge. One app, Bumble  will even let you put a filter around your pics. I appreciate that tremendously. Are you worried I may be taller than you? This is why they put their height on their profiles. Guess what? I will be taller than you more than likely. I like heels. Does it bother you that I am smart, carry on a conversation, live in my hometown, go to church…and enjoy it, etc.

Due to my unfortunate abundance of experience, I’d be happy to serve on a panel to have post date interviews and award a rating. The earning potential for time management alone would be worth it. I am sure there is money to be made or it is hopefully already in development. Until then, I will keep taking screenshots and texting these to my friends. Here is a thought.  If you are interested in being in this little experiment, go to my Facebook or Twitter profiles. Let me know you’d like to “judge” my matches and I’ll send you their profiles.

Facebook: @sexandthemotherhood

Twitter: @satmotherhood

Why even bother, you may be asking? For starters, the amount of laughter these incidents create is immeasurable. I’d give some of these conversations 4 stars. The issue is, without appropriate guidance, you can waste an evening, up to months with a guy whom, if you had had a little review, all of this waste of time could have been avoided. Two weeks ago, I fired up the ole Tinder again and I haven’t regretted it once. I’ve been out on three dates in two weeks. That was better than I was doing, right? And, just to be completely transparent, the fall is coming and the season of hiberdating is upon us. I’d really like to be settled and snuggled on a couch by the first frost…but not on the first date

Is It Better to Burn Out or Fade Away…Current State of Current Relationships

I have recently fired up the online dating again. Thought it would be good to distract me from others I have been thinking of often. So far, I am yet again fairly popular. I have no trouble setting up dates and further more, having good dates. I showed up Monday to one in my workout clothes, ponytail and mostly sweated off make up. And again…success! He loved me. What happens next is what I struggle with the most. These great dates lead to burn outs or the relationships just fade away.

High Fidelty…Is it better to burn out or fade away.

I would really like to know how to keep the momentum going after a great date.  Am I blowing it all on the first date and they are done with me? That’s the burn out. Worse I think is if the momentum continues through multiple dates and then-“fade away”. Conversations change, lose excitement. Tones change, become boring and not even worth my time.

But is it worth my time? Today as I was explaining my frustrations to a work friend, I realized I was describing a relationship that I had been wanting and asking for. I hear from him on a regular basis. We have casual dates on a regular basis. He is caring and smart. He can talk to me and lets me talk.

I may possibly be okay with the current situation if it weren’t for the fact that I feel something is missing. When I was in college and dating my now ex-husband we were hanging out at a friend’s apartment. One of the girls said, “hey-who has my Baby Makin Music CD?” And so it begins…an entire CD solely based on 90’s and early 2000’s R&B. Those old school slow dance or slow “whatever” songs. The ones the boy put on when he drove out to Albert Matthews Road. This is where the girl acting like she didn’t know what was about to go down. “Where are we going?” as she finishes her 2nd Bud Ice. One of my favorites; LL Cool J. “Doin It and Doin It and Doin It Well” Remember this one?

Doin It

Where did that kind of excitement go?

Here’s my point, is it me or is it him or is it us? No sparks and I continue or give up and wait on sparks? And always, always, in the back of my mind-IS THIS WORTH GETTING HURT OVER?

I was driving home tonight, damn Adele came on. When will her music stop being my biography?! The hurt and pain is still there. I survived a damn divorce while I was pregnant! I came out strong and ready to love again. Where did those feelings go? I avoid relationships that matter like a stomach bug!

“If, this is my last night with you, hold me like I’m more than just a friend. Give me a memory I can use. Take me by the hand and do what lovers do. It matters how this ends, cause WHAT IF I NEVER LOVE AGAIN.”-Adele

“Designing” a Community of Man Children

I have considered a relationship with a long time friend. There was always something about him. He approached me several months ago about this possibility. I never really took it very seriously because he was currently in a relationship. Not a marriage, but had a girlfriend. However, this week he texted me. He explained that the relationship was ending and did I feel there was any chance for us. I told him that I would like to discuss it. He said he had sometime this weekend. Well, today I got impatient waiting so I texted him and asked if he was busy today. He responded: “Sally, I’ve got shit to do for a while today…maybe later on.” I called “bullshit” and explained “I find that hard to believe.” Then he said, “Football is on…” His proposal of discussing a potential relationship with me had to wait on football? And I like football, would have been a lovely companion. Through this process, I have adopted a new practice; I don’t give second chances. I hope he likes his football and a relationship with his hand.

Friday afternoon a guy wanted to make plans with me. We will call it a date. The plan was he would call me when he got off work. We had really been struggling to set a date, so it appeared that our early afternoon plans would finally happen. I didn’t hear from him again until Saturday night at 9:21 pm. “I fell asleep on the couch and woke up at 6. Figured you were already out.” I responded today, Sunday morning, “OK”. No second chances.

I have a friend, you may call our relationship a “bromance”. He is recently divorced, I honestly don’t think the ink is dry. Since his marriage crumbled, he and I have mentored each other. So, let’s call him what he is, “Mentor”. He is the one that introduced me to Neil Strauss and “The Game.” He now has me reading “Mate” by Tucker Max and Geoffrey Miller, PHD. I’m supposed to be reading it from a women’s perspective…that’s a little difficult, but anyway. We were having one of our marathon conversations today and I made a statement I have been wanting to say for a while. “I am extremely disappointed in the culture and community of men to date these days.” And the “mentor” agreed. Then he, a man, a single man said, “We have a huge abundance of man children running around.” YES!

The married community doesn’t understand the difference in dating and hooking up. I was asked, “so what are you looking for?” My response is what it always is. I want someone to go to dinner with one night a week when I don’t have my girls. I want plans with said person every other weekend. A date to special events and if things go well, I’d may like to travel with this person. “So, you want a hook up?” No, that’s not it at all. Hook ups are easy. I have at least 5 numbers right now I could call and make that happen. If I were bored a ten minute trip to a bar and an hour later, you can have that. What I want is incredibly difficult when you have man children to work with. There is also this notion that because I have a mid level of professional success, along with an abundance of confidence and that I am the mother of two children, I am “difficult to date.” What about the statement above of what I require makes me difficult? If anything, it would seem to be dumbed down to a way that even a mere child could comprehend. But I digress, we are dealing with man children.

Some may say, I am man hating or bashing men. You could say that if I didn’t have research and experience to prove my case. I have made this challenge before. I dare you to date me, just as I have requested above. Just what I thought…it’s too easy. Man children aren’t accustomed to easy…well not that kind of easy anyway.

I will accept my fault in the role of creating man children. I’ve attempted to make myself easy to date like many single women and we have ruined men in the process. The continued participation and acceptance of the practices for online dating is not helping either. And let me be clear, it doesn’t matter if you pay for the site or not. It doesn’t matter if you spent hours on a questionnaire or just put the best selfie you have on the profile. Man children are there too. Again, making ourselves easy to date. Her is some very fundamental advice from southern belle extraordinaire-Suzanne Sugarbaker. Too bad I wasn’t listening to her in my more formative years.

Notes: a man in intensive care doesn’t sound too bad these days. Also, I don’t play hard to get. “Advertise and then withhold.” Now that’s something I can work with. “It never hurts to hurt them a little bit in the beginning.”-Suzanne Sugarbaker

Now, I do realize this will lower my success rate, but it can’t get any worse. Just like last night. I was at a party…could have made a phone call or two (or five). Instead, I just sat back and watched others, went to bed early. Woke up and spent the day in bed with my friend “Grace”. Ate pasta and chocolate while watching hours of Designing Women episodes.

All, I’m saying is that would it hurt the man children if we said less “yes” and maybe more “not this time.” The men are like spoiled children and maybe a little discipline won’t be too bad. Parents always say, “this is going to hurt me more than its going to hurt you.” Boy, at this rate, I’m going to need a pain pill. I’ve wasted so much energy on man children.

Just one more thing….“And I don’t mean that bitchy.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She Walked Home Crying in the Rain (The Story of When I Failed at Girl Code)

I don’t think I can apologize enough. I could plead ignorance, because I honestly didn’t know…but this is my confession of when I failed at girl code.

I have recently had a refreshing break from my girls this past week. While enjoying very quiet mornings, not cooking, limited laundry, working late and going to work late; I may have missed them a little bit. The other side of the coin is that I had a lot of time to hangout with “the guys.” I really don’t know how my circle of strong girlfriends has now morphed into “Grace” and “the guys”. Dated to Death, along with “Yogattorney” and “Hunt”. (I’ll get to “Hunt” in a minute.)

The Dimple of the Universe recently had an amazing event, our first music festival. In my post What’s Your Theme Song? I dove deep into my my musical “rabbit hole”. I also love to add music to my blogs.I freakin love music!  At the festival I spent the majority of my day with “The Guys” and my friends “Jam” and “The Canadian” and their husbands. “Hunt” was a new addition to the group. Honestly, I was glad he was there. I had seen him around, wanted to meet him, but he’s one of those that I needed a reason to meet. I want to take a moment and share some of the awesome music we heard in our “Dimple of the Universe.”

FireKid

Sam Lewis

18 South with John Oates

Damien Boggs and the Proper Villians

I really want to keep going….

Anyway, all that great music turned into a very, very, very long night and then…”I’m too old for this!” the following morning.

The rest of the week has flown by, but all week its bugged me, should I talk to “Hunt” more? We had a great time at the festival, de was out Wednesday and we texted through the week, but I just wasn’t sure. Well, luckily I didn’t have to decide last night…it was me and “The Guys” again. Oh…thank heaven that my girlfriend “Jam” was there too. My Cardinals were playing, the makings for a good night were all there. “Jam” and I sat at the bar talking…well she talked…I watched the Cardinals beat the Cubs. The night went on, and on. More fun by the moment. “Dated to Death” was actually on a date. Want to talk about fun, watching someone you’ve dated on a date.  “Yogattorney” headed on home and “Jam” did too. So here we are, finally. Me and “Hunt”.

Now, let me go ahead and explain the kind of girl I am. I’ll go to the mattresses for a girl. This is one of the top five things I hope my girls will learn from me. madeline albrightBest friend or stranger, it makes no difference. We all need a shoulder to cry on, someone to pick us up when we are down. And last night, a girl needed a stranger to help with her lipstick and dry her tears. That was me. The stranger. I was just trying to use the lady’s room real quick and head back out to hangout with “Hunt”. But, she was a mess and in need. She was trying to put her hair in a ponytail, which was making it worse. I had seen her, well heard her, in the ladies room crying earlier, but she had one of her girlfriends with her that time. This time, she was solo until I walked in. I came out of the stall with a little more knowledge of what was happening. “He is just so mean. What did I do? Why doesn’t he like me?”  she said as I washed my hands. I got real honest. “I’m not here to judge, but honey, you came out tonight in your work out clothes and now you are attempting a bad pony tail and mascara is running down your face.” By this point, I am fully involved. I’m in her Louis Vuitton pulling out all the necessary requirements to clean her up. She selected an almost non existent lip color. I had to convince her that a darker color may distract from the fact that her eyes are now swollen shut from crying and I can’t get most of the running mascara off. We teased her hair a bit. The higher the hair, the closer to God…and she needed a little saving grace at this point. I also convinced her to take her jacket off. Girl had some cleavage in her tank and like I said, we needed to distract from the mess she was. “Now, honey”, I said. “I don’t know the story, but more than likely you are too good for him, but I can tell you are really into him. So I’ll walk you back out there and if you want to talk to him you go right ahead. But might I recommend a walk out. You keep your head high, chest out and eyes off of him and walk out! Do you need a ride? I can give you a ride?” She declines, explaining that she lives close enough and walked here. We walk out together, my arm around her. She is still crying. Its like a faucet that is on constant drip. The bar manager, who is a dear friend of mine, “Grommit”, catches my eye. He is concerned about her. We stop and talk for a second. I explain our plan and he offers to take her home, because now, it is raining. She again, declines, but now she has caught the eye of the guy who has got her torn up and we are back at the beginning. I encourage her to go home, get some sleep, but she is hysterical. It gets worse by the second. She is three moves a way from a full blown break down right here. “Grommit’s” eyes are getting bigger along with her hysterics. I’m at a loss. I know how to handle my friends and they can handle me, but I don’t know this girl and I’m just so sorry for her now.

I’ve been there, we’ve all been there. It’s hard, it’s really, really hard. Her soul is tortured at this point and “Grommit” and I have to get her out of here. She agrees and exits extremely dramatically into the rain and makes a left on the sidewalk. It is pouring like her tears outside. “Grommit” and I shrug it off. I start to explain what was happening in the bathroom and “Hunt” walks over. Thank heaven! This whole ordeal had taken at least 30 minutes. I’m surprised he is still here. When I went to the ladies room it was get ready to ‘go’ with “Hunt”.

“What the hell were you doing in there with her?” Hunt asks. I explained an abbreviated version and how it basically it boiled down to an asshole she was crying over. “Grommit” starts to laugh…”You don’t have a clue do you?”

“She’s crazy! She’s been calling, texting and sending me mean ass texts for months. Every time she sees me, she ends up crying and I never did a thing to her but watch football one night at her house.” I look at “Grommit” after “Hunt” explains how he is the “asshole” she’s been crying over all night!

The guilt starts to overwhelm me! She had been crying over the guy I wanted to hang out with all night. All my pity for her was for the one I was interested in. What in the world is the universe trying to tell me? I was trying to mend the heart of the girl, “Hunt” had broken. Knowingly or not he has a guilty part in this. I realize I am not going to get the truth from either one of them and now I had to decide…do I continue with “Hunt” tonight or take my walk in the rain alone too.

I may have made the wrong decision…I may have made the right one. I feel like I did this morning, both. I am completely torn. I’ll see “Hunt” soon and more than likely that girl again. She may or may not hate me too at that point. I hope she will remember my attempt to help and not that I was sitting with “Hunt” after she left and possibly the next time I’m out with “The Guys” including “Hunt”. If I am lucky, maybe our paths will never cross again, but here in the “Dimple” that is highly unlikely. The universe is hillarious. I bet you a dollar, she’ll be behind me in the Kroger next time I go.

I’m Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself a Letter

When I was post divorce maybe six months, I was encouraged by many to seek the assistance of a therapist. It was great advice. I tend to see her occasionally just for a recheck. While I was in her care after my divorce, I explained to her that I had never met the woman that my ex husband cheated on me with. It was so bad, I didn’t even know what she looked like. I had tons of anxiety about passing her in Kroger and not knowing…that was her. My therapist asked a very important question; “If you do see her and have the opportunity, what would you say to her?” I hadn’t even thought of it. No idea….nothing!!!! She recommended I write her a letter. It was kind of homework. I was to bring it to the next session. So I wrote SEVERAL letters. Finally a draft was decided on and I brought it at the next session. Was I supposed to read it to her? Nope. She asked… did you address it? Yes. I did. I looked her and her husband up on White Pages and it was addressed and stamped. “Are you going to send it?” I didn’t know. I mean…does she get to know what part she played in my marriage’s demise. Will she ever understand what’s it’s like to be pregnant, alone and carry an amazing amount of hatred and anger through a time of joy. The letter explained all of this. And then…I thanked her. I thanked her for making me realize that my marriage was in ruins and her affair with my husband only justified the impending divorce. I carried it in an envelope, addressed and stamped with me everyday for nearly a year. Then one day, I passed a shred box at work, I reached in my purse and it was gone. But what wasn’t gone was writing letters.

Letter writing is a lost art. Okay, back to Sex and the City for a moment. Remember when Carrie was with Big and they were in bed reading “The Love Letters of Great Men”?

Ever Mine

Ever Thine

Ever Ours

I have written love letters a thousand times. I wrote those notes with the special folds in high school. A few years into college email started then IM with AOL.( those were the days). Now the text…Ugh…the text. I hate texting. As am I writing this blog I have three…no, no four texts conversations going. Texting is the devil. It is almost as soul sucking as Facebook, and I love them both! But letters, oh, the letter. Handwritten of course. I mean, if you are going to do it, do it write…I mean right. In cursive and a good pen!

As I think of writing this letter, the one I will actually give to him I wonder; will I just leave it for him to read, will I read it to him or will I let him read it while I stand there? I don’t know I haven’t written it. But I do know that I will write it. I have to. There is just so much to say. And a goodbye is the hardest. Already, I have heard him say “I am sorry. I told you I was no good for you.” I came across this clip tonight and it sums that part all up.

“I just wish I didn’t know about this.”  and  “I really loved you.”-Aiden

Let’s switch gears for a moment. We can’t discuss letters and not mention “Sleepless in Seattle” and “You’ve Got Mail”. Truly tremendous movies that shaped my ability to enjoy a good love story. And comedic at that. Because if you have kept up, my love life is fully of comedy. Same leading actors and actresses in both-Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, both about writing letters/emails and both about hope! I wish I had the time and the energy to knock out both right now, but I have a letter to write. OH….even knock out “An Affair to Remember”….now, I can write the letter!

“It doesn’t have to be a miracle. Anything can happen.”

I Could Skate Away On

I don’t write about my kids often. Mostly because, they are a delight and a joy to behold. However, they have been busy and gone a bit lately and I am heading into another weekend that they will be away. I miss the life they bring to my time at home. I miss the disasters, and drama that comes with raising girls and sisters. The snuggles and the eye rolls…all of it.

I truly, honestly believe that the weather is trying to ruin my life. We have had solid snow and ice for five days now and as the weekend approaches, it is beginning to snow again. With this weather and my non 4-Wheel drive vehicle, I am stranded at home. If the weather does not clear soon to allow for me to socialize, I may have a nervous breakdown. I already have bloodshot eyes and a nervous rash is developing. To be honest, and not making light of the disease, I have the exact opposite of social anxiety disorder. My friend, “The Attorney” called it Extrovert Neurotic Disorder. He made it up…I already googled it. Treatment is as follows: friends, exercise with adult fitness classmates, children being home, freedom to drive myself. My sanity is based on my ability to interact with others…and sling the hell out of a kettle bell! If I do not get to my dinner planned with my sorority sisters tomorrow night a few things will take place in the next 72 hours.

1. I will be able to quote every episode of the Golden Girls and Will and Grace.
2. I will be an expert at my row machine and kettle bell swings.
3. I will work a jigsaw puzzle.
4. I will dive deep into an after 9 pm alcohol induced coma…again!

As I dread the evening to come…a song came on my play list that I thought was gosh darn perfect for my feelings.

Prayer and warmer temperatures would be greatly appreciated!

Rainy Days and Mondays

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22zB6Soc2Gk I use a lot of songs to get me through moments like this. Here is one by the lovely Sara Evans. Another week and my funk continues. I have considered calling my doctor for “assistance”, but instead I have dove head first into the dreaded exercise routine. The good news is I can consume more Momma Juice now per “My Fitness Pal” when I exercise. After a phenomenal weekend of a girls night out and my first hot yoga class I hit a wall on Monday. While out on Friday, lots of great comments regarding the blog. It is getting really good momentum and I truly appreciate your support. Suprisingly two men told me they were really enjoying it and couldn’t wait to read more!  One said to another that hadn’t read it-“dude you have to!” Several of my sweet friends had topics they thought I should write about. We had some good laughs and I had to take notes. Sadly, in 6 years, I am not short on content. A long time girlfriend, Deb set me up on a date with her husband’s friend who just moved to town. Let’s call him “Rainy”. I heard about the following-successful professional moving back to ‘Dimple in the Universe’ for a mid life career change. Never married, no children, really fun, great family. Okay, I am in… Our first date was pretty nice. Dinner at “the Club” with Deb, hubby and Rainy. Plans were made for a second date in a few weeks. Rainy and I spoke several times over the next few weeks and we were clicking. I could initially admit that he was not my type and the devastation of “Derek” had finally seemed to be passing. I was ready to try new things and I thought something completely, I mean COMPLETELY different should do the trick! Right? Good news about Rainy, he likes to cook. Second date is set that he will cook dinner for Deb, hubby, and another couple at his parents house. This is a beautiful antebellum home. Deb and hubby pick me up and we head that way. Rainy is making margarittas when we arrive. It is an amazing southern summer night. We spent the evening under the patio with an amazing view. The dinner he made was surpisingly but not suprisingly good. No one was short on conversation. Good night, right? The time came to leave because Deb and hubby had a sitter. Rainy told me goodbye. He was going  to stay behind and clean up the kitchen. Talk about doing things differently. On many levels Rainy was different. Second date and we had only held hands. Well I was pretty proud of myself! The following weekend was an event in town-“Symphony Under the Stars.” A group of lovely couples were getting a table. I thought, finally, someone who will be appropriate to take to these social events I had either gone solo to or taken a good girlfriend. That practice is not deemed pitiful until the coolness of it wears off. (I just don’t go now.) Rainy had heard of the event since moving back to town and thought it would be fun to get out and see #1 people he hadn’t seen in a while and #2 meet new people. So what did I do? I bought a new dress! What is more romantic and southern for that matter than eatting a delicious meal in a field along side another gorgeous antebellum home with lovely live music into the night. AND did I mention, I bought a new dress! As the date grew near I allowed my excitement to get the best of me. I told pretty much everyone planning to attend that I had a date. Included for the ladies my new dress excitement as well. The weatherman however didn’t care and started calling for rain. Not just a little summer rain, but a thunderstorm. Rainy (I hope you are starting to get where the name came from) texted to see if I had heard about the weather. I explained that yes, but I was remaining optimistic. Plus this was a $30 a person event I had already paid for. Clearly on the ticket, ‘rain or shine’. We decided we would see how the weather was the day of. Day of the event comes. Rain is still in the forecast, but he says he is coming. Then he says he’s not, then he is, then he is not. Then I ran into him at the liquor store…”I am getting vodka so I’ll see you later. Meet you there!” I get to the event. Haul my cooler, decor for the table and dragging my new dress, because it is too long. Smile on my face. “Where’s Rainy?” was repeated a few times by my friends. “Oh, he’s coming.” I say *ding*ding(text message) Rainy: I am not coming. This storm looks fierce. Me: Oh come on. If it starts, we will just do something else. Rainy: I’ve just ordered a pizza. My heart sank. Pizza and really good vodka. Sounds like a good time…Damn! I sat between two very nice couples. All knew that I was very disappointed. Dinner was nice, music started and then  the inevitable. It started raining….really, really pouring. I ran to the car. Mostly because I was humiliated. I sat for a few minutes, just thinking. What should I do? Should I text him and see what he’s up to? Maybe he will want to hang out? Instead I called Deb. “He did what? Are you shittin’ me? Hubby is not going to believe this. Get over here, now! I am on the porch! Kids are asleep!” I arrive at Debs. Oh good she is wine! She talked to Hubby who was out of his mind on why he would have done what he did. Then Deb tells me: “When we dropped you off after dinner the other night, Rainy didn’t stay and clean up. He drove past us as we were pulling out of your neighborhood. Hubby and I still don’t know why.” Maybe he is gay and doesn’t realize how awesome that is…This wine is really good. Maybe he is into prostitutes or strippers….Let’s open another bottle of wine. Maybe he is a lazy asshole….Got anymore wine? I saw Rainy this summer. It had been 2 years. I didn’t even bother…and he didn’t either. One of only a very few times that I am glad I only held his hand. At times you have to learn to accept the hand you have been dealt. “you gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away and know when to run.” I folded and headed for the hills after Rainy! Deb and hubby still don’t understand what happened. I don’t guess we ever will. I didn’t pay much attention because a few months later-guess who is calling me because he just filed for divorce! -Derek The rainy days continue for me unfortunately. But here is a fantastic and extremely relevant Pinterest post from this evening that put quite the impression on me. image I went to church Sunday. Don’t be shocked, I attend regularly. To be honest, I almost skipped-hot yoga prep. So glad I didn’t. The minister said something that led to a major moment for me. I literally couln’t wait to Tweet it.  He said, “If you are in a wilderness, I hope you take advantage of it.” In this case, I think I  will take time to enjoy the rain. Peace to You All!