And Your Tinder Match Received 4 Stars!

Many advances have helped the online dating sites. However, I need one more. I need a rating. I need the feedback of others who have been out with these guys. Especially those who don’t write anything in their bio. Who are you? I realize you like to hunt, fish, ride your Harley, skydive…and play the guitar but I need more.

Just a simple star rating is fine. I don’t typically eat at restaurants or purchase clothes with less than 3 out of 4 stars, so the same would apply here. But I also read the reviews. I realize there is always someone who can’t be pleased but the input is greatly appreciated.

For this development,  a few questions to be considered in the review section.

  1. Did he actually take you on a date? Yes, sometimes there is no intention of a date. I was asked recently to come over and snuggle. Ummm…I don’t know you, know where you live or know what your hygiene habits are! And further…what if you have bad breath, haven’t washed your sheets or your have like a million cats or dogs. Or, like to turn on the lights. I went to a guys house once and asked to use the restroom. He took me through the entire house in total darkness. Then I had to find my way back to the living room where there were no lights on except the TV. He asked if I wanted to stay.I said, no. I was afraid to see what the place looked like in the daylight.
  2. Did you have to plan the date or did he? yes, I am not kidding here either. He: Let’s meet. Me: That sounds like a great idea. Where would you like to go? When? What time works for you? He: Idk . . . . . . . .  Me: Well let’s meet at X on Saturday at 5. He: Idk. . . . . . . Me: Here’s my number, just text me. (123)555-7890. Saturday rolls around…and crickets. Why are you here dude? Why are you taking up space?
  3. Are you permanent to the area? Most apps are set up by location. My filter is set for less than 40 miles from my current location. So if a guy drives an 18-wheeler and I live 15 miles from the interstate, then he’s in my potential matches. And, they usually list their career as self-employed. I have learned how to spot a tractor trailer cab in a selfie in a snap! Or, are you here to visit your grandmother for 2 weeks or just stopped at the Cracker Barrell to eat on your way to or from the beach? I talked to a guy for an hour before I realized we matched while he stopped for gas and he was already home….in Cincinnati!
  4. Do you plan on actually meeting who you match with? I can text my friends, my mother, my brother…I don’t plan on texting you more than a day. Plan a date or move on buddy.
  5. Does he text you inappropriate things…immediately? To be perfectly honest, once in a relationship, a little fun t*(s)exting is really a good time. However….Well, just check out my message from this morning: tinder-postIt took 5 minutes for him to go there. And there are a variety of guys with fetishes. I am not judging them for it…you do you, but please don’t think that because I am on Tinder, that I would like to have a personal relationship with your dog! Yeah, wish I had that on a screenshot. And these are nice guys, with good jobs. They live in a nice area. On Tinder, you can’t judge a profile by its cover.
  6. Are they divorced? Are they in an open relationship? Does their significant other know they are telling women on Tinder they are in an open relationship or that they are already dating because their first meeting was with the divorce attorney is this week? “I’ll be divorced in a few months.” “I’m nearly divorced.” “She knows I am on Tinder, that’s why I put her pictures with me on my profile.” Yes, I am not kidding, they post pics of their significant others. Just wait until you recognize someone.
  7. And the kids. I will almost always swipe left, meaning a no, if there are any kids in the pics. Even the ones who say, “the kids in the pics are my nieces/nephews.” I don’t care! What makes you think, I am interested in how you smile with kids for pictures?
  8. Current/Previous Hang ups: Have you or are you currently in drug rehabilitation? No offense to the good people of a county nearby, but if a guys is on Tinder and from there…I immediately think he’s in a half way house staying sober. True story! And it all worked out. He was lovely, but still…really…is that a good idea to match with a girl who has a glass of wine in one of her pictures. Political status? Huge. One app, Bumble  will even let you put a filter around your pics. I appreciate that tremendously. Are you worried I may be taller than you? This is why they put their height on their profiles. Guess what? I will be taller than you more than likely. I like heels. Does it bother you that I am smart, carry on a conversation, live in my hometown, go to church…and enjoy it, etc.

Due to my unfortunate abundance of experience, I’d be happy to serve on a panel to have post date interviews and award a rating. The earning potential for time management alone would be worth it. I am sure there is money to be made or it is hopefully already in development. Until then, I will keep taking screenshots and texting these to my friends. Here is a thought.  If you are interested in being in this little experiment, go to my Facebook or Twitter profiles. Let me know you’d like to “judge” my matches and I’ll send you their profiles.

Facebook: @sexandthemotherhood

Twitter: @satmotherhood

Why even bother, you may be asking? For starters, the amount of laughter these incidents create is immeasurable. I’d give some of these conversations 4 stars. The issue is, without appropriate guidance, you can waste an evening, up to months with a guy whom, if you had had a little review, all of this waste of time could have been avoided. Two weeks ago, I fired up the ole Tinder again and I haven’t regretted it once. I’ve been out on three dates in two weeks. That was better than I was doing, right? And, just to be completely transparent, the fall is coming and the season of hiberdating is upon us. I’d really like to be settled and snuggled on a couch by the first frost…but not on the first date