Sex and the Fatherhood?

First of all I would like to thank Sally for asking me to guest write in her blog. I thought about how to get started, and I think the best way is to tell you a little about me and my past. I am 44 years old, single with two kids. My daughter will be 15 shortly after I send this to Sally, and my son’s 18th birthday is in about 6 weeks. I have been married twice. About 6 years to my kids mom, and briefly to my soulmate, about 11 years ago. My first marriage didn’t work out, but we have stayed friends and we have raised our kids together. She is happily married to a great man that loves my children and treats them as his own. I  feel very blessed that she found a good guy.
The second marriage is the hardest to explain to people. I was actually trying to be set up on a blind date by my cousin. When I finally realized who she was talking about, my heart jumped up into my throat, and I couldn’t believe I was hearing this name. You see, wife number 2, was someone who I had been “drawn” to my whole life. We had crossed paths a few times and in every instance, I felt a wave of “something” come over me. I sat in front of her for a whole year in study hall when I was a sophomore and she was a senior. I was very shy. She was two years older and I tried not to stare at her blue eyes, but she would catch me every now and then and flash that awesome smile. I for some reason summed up the courage to tell her that I was going to marry her one day. Needless to say, I got a weird look from her, and although she smiled, it was a very awkward moment for me. I have no clue what made me say that.
We met at our matchmakers house, and we instantly hit it off. I was on cloud 9. We married shortly after, ummmmm..we eloped on April Fools Day. We knew nobody would believe us and it is a great story that we tell and laugh about. She is the one responsible for my writing. She opened up my heart and made me comfortable with speaking my true feelings, without fear, without holding back anything. She was my soulmate and I was hers. I remember telling her a story about a day I saw her at the lake when we were about 16 and 18. She asked, “How do you remember that?” My answer, ” I remember every time I ever saw you.”
Do you watch romantic movies? I know you probably do. I do too. I am one of those hopeless romantics that get caught up in the story and I always seem shocked at the tragic ending. My story doesn’t end in tragedy, other than the fact that our relationship only lasted a year.There was a 10 year gap, with no contact. I gradually got over the crushing heartbreak and sort of moved on. Then last year, our paths crossed again by chance. I had another “greatest year of my life.” It ended the same way. Nothing really bad, just maybe we are not meant to be with our soul mates forever.
I recently went out with a girl I met on Tinder. She told me up front that she was searching for her soulmate, and would not stop until she found him. We had a great day in North Alabama. We went to eat early, walked in the park, I went with her so she could get a pedicure, and somehow, I got talked into getting one. I really liked it! It was really nice having someone just to spend the day with. We ended the evening with a movie. I really liked her honesty, even though she promptly let me know that she didn’t feel that “spark”. I wanted to inform her that when she did find him,  the word “spark” wouldn’t come close to describing the feeling.
So there is some of my past. This blog is about dating in today’s world. The struggles we all face, putting ourselves “out there” again. This time we all have different challenges facing us. Kids, jobs (I work third shift) and everything else, and it is so hard to date in 2015. I have run into the same things as Sally has, and we share stories sometimes. (no names)
Sally and I actually met on Tinder shortly after my second break up, with “soulmate”. I was so tickled that this beautiful woman had “swiped right” I was a mess though..lol..  The thing is I didn’t realize it at the time. I read her blog, scrolled though and caught up on her past entries. I realized suddenly that there are two people involved in this dating thing. I knew I wasn’t ready. I thanked her and went on my way to heal, fully. Can we do that though? I am in a good place now and I feel like I am ready to put myself out there, with no looking back.
Now, I stand here, peering out over the vast sea of fish wondering if one of them is the right one for me. The right one for me at this stage of my life.I am sure there is, but finding her is going to be a challenge. I look forward to that journey, it has already been tough though. I have had a “no show Jones” after weeks and weeks of texting, Facebooking, playing Words with Friends. I don’t know what happened, and I haven’t asked.I have had a “cold feet” reaction after asking a girl out and getting a yes. I don’t take it hard though, because they are like me. Insecure about some things, protective of their hearts, and probably have the same  feeling of standing on a ledge and scared to take a leap of faith. That’s what putting ourselves out there really is, isn’t it? Maybe I will share some of my adventures in the future if Sally will let me.Who knows? I might have only one more first date to ever experience. Is that likely? I am sure I will have
plenty to talk about as I continue down this new fork in the road.

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