“Just don’t ever blog about me, ok?” He said after reading my blogs.
I asked, “you don’t like them?”
“Oh no, it’s good.” he replied, “I just don’t want one to be about me.”
Well, to be completely honest, “Sex and The Motherhood” isn’t about you or for you, it’s about “me” for “us”!
“Derek” was very handsome, and mysterious! Most importantly, he liked me, he really, really liked me-kind of like how Sally Field felt when she accepted her first Academy Award. Constant communication, adoration, dedication, etc. He was very honest about his history. Married young, two kids, divorced. Found his high school sweetheart, married, one child, divorced. I do not judge one’s “baggage”. I have very nice “baggage”. Its lovely Vera Bradley type “baggage.” Perspective is essential to survival in a dating world that requires patience and compassion for your kids, my kids, her kids, his ex, my exes, let’s all meet for dinner and I could keep going. (One day I will explain “The Unit”)
It took about a week to fall for “Derek”. Music filled our relationship. Songs shared on facebook, texted You Tube videos and then staying up all night, sitting on his or my porch debating what was real music-classic country or R & B. Our friend Jim(Beam) was close by too. Once we were invited to a wedding at the Opryland Hotel on St. Patrick’s Day. Dressed in our best green festiveness here we went. It was lovely, borderline magical. Think “Tangled”, “My Fair Lady”, meets “An Affair to Remember”. Once the wedding and reception were over, we found ourselves wandering through “The Delta”. If you have been to the Opryland Hotel, you may know of the gazebo that sits in The Delta. We found ourselves there and the next thing, I knew, he had turned on “Dancing Away With My Heart” by Lady Antebelum. And the slow dance began. Closest fairytale moment I have ever had. You would have thought the happily ever after would follow a night like this….
As most men do these days, some weeks later, he became distant and eventually lost all contact. I couldn’t get him to call me back or respond to text. Then it hits…the notification I now dread because of this moment: “Derek has updated his profile picture.” My first thought was oh good he’s alive! I go to his profile and immediately see the new pic, but he’s not alone, theres a petite blonde in the picture and IT’S HIS SECOND EX WIFE! Not only that, they are in VEGAS and have remarried!!!! No SHIT! Well, I fixed drink. I shouldn’t lie, I found a bottle and started chugging! Shortly, after a few swigs, I was in my yard hacking at my front hedges. It was midnight, but I had to do something.
How did this happen? Why didn’t he just tell me? Did I do something wrong? Wait, he hates her! He told me he can’t stand her! She’s the worst thing that ever happened to him…..Wack, wack wack!
The following months were the most devastating of my life. I didn’t cry that much when I divorced! It may seem that this only recently happened, but no-this was nearly 3 years ago! I guess there is an unwritten rule regarding this break up practice going around in guy code, because it recently happened to me again!
I have written about “Cleats”before, he was Mr. “bring me a lil something for my toddy” in my Sick and Single post previously. This relationship is almost identical to “Derek”. Lots to talk about, tons of adoration and communication and then…disappear. Oh, and the two ‘baby momma’ part is the same as well. Another amazing similarity is the connection to cleats…the kind you wear.
I am what you may know as a cleat chaser. That’s my type. And any kind of cleats, soccer(first serious boyfriend), baseball (second serious boyfriend), football (ex husband), and now we circle back to baseball-post divorce-second serious boyfriend,friend of second serious boyfriend, “Derek” and “Cleats”. There ain’t no shame in this game. I am who I am.
Okay back to it; I began to notice “Cleats” distance and disappearing acts becoming a bit more frequent. I tried at least twice to break up with him. I would always be talked into one more time. However, during my first break up attempt, I tried to unload a bit of baggage and told him about “Derek”. He was very understanding and compassionate because he had similar story as well. A lady he dated previously who he had difficulty getting over. There was even marriage discussion and he bought her a ring. I asked, “are you still in love with her.” He never answered that question directly, but did say, it was over and history. To avoid eventually being left for her, I encouraged him to find out about his feelings . “Tisha” did have a child that he was fond of still visited with from time to time, but he assured me that’s all it was. I never got it out of my mind though. While I was out of state for work and I tried another break up attempt. We spoke on the phone for nearly 3 hours. Have you ever tried to break up with someone over the phone, out of state, in a hotel lobby? It was awkward to say the least. Another awkward moment was while I was having this conversation, I received a Facebook friend request from “Tisha”. AWKWARD!!!! Of course, I accepted it, but how and why did she know about me? “Cleats” is extremely private about our relationship and even more on social media. We posted a Vine once that he quickly removed. Also, I was told that 2nd baby momma was cyber stalking me. He told me I couldn’t tag him in anything because she got so mad.
Let’s speed things along. While our relationship remained rocky and never quite comfortable we both attempted on a regular basis to see eachother. I was continually frustrated by his distance and in a final attempt to break up o we discussed our feelings for eachother. We even exchanged “I Love You’s” which I didn’t peg him for at all. But he said it and said it often. But there is a reassurance in “I Love You” that gives you stupidity permission to say, yes I will hang in here because he/she loves me.
The last time I saw “Cleats” was on a Christmas Eve. He stopped by to exchange gifts. We sat for a moment but he was not present. But God Almighty his phone would not stop. Constantly alerting and texting, alerting and texting. *Advice section-put your damn phone away!* I walked him outside, we kissed. He said he loved me and he would be back later that night. The next time I saw him – four days later-was when he posted a selfie with “Tisha”! Again, really, again! Another break up via social media!
This time, I listened to my friends. I blocked him for iMessage and for calls. Instead of “not getting on” Facebook or Twitter for a while, I just deactivated. I kept my Instagram but I couldn’t hide there because “Cleats” liked my posts.
My kiddos asked me, are you mad at “Cleats.” I told them honestly a lesson I hope they never forget; “He lied and you can’t love someone who lies. They don’t deserve to be around good girls like you! If they can’t tell you the truth, you need to get rid of them.” My sweet youngest went and got her IPad and immediately deleted a pic of him and his contact for Facetime. “Well, if he lies, I’ll delete him.” Good girl! Something I should have done a long time ago.
I am no longer wasting words on people who deserve silence. But, I will always send a message and technology allowed me to let “Cleats” know what I thought without uttering a word. “Maturing is realizing how many things don’t require your comment.” -Rachel Wolchin
Times like these, and days like these make me wonder why I even keep trying. It is a new year…2015! What will I do differently? Not a damn thing. Yoda said, “Do or do not, there is no try.” And Peter F. Ducker said, “What you have to do and the way you have to do it is incredibly simple. Whether you are willing to do it, that’s another matter.” And another new quote from Sean Covey- “Says easy, does hard.” All I can tell you is its the year of skirts (I’m tired of plain black pants), new hair-maybe, and the year of me and my girls! There will be more blogs, more fun and more love to come!