In less than a month, I will have been divorced for six years! I signed my divorce papers in the lobby of my attorneys office with my nearly 3 month old on my hip and on my 30th birthday. To be completely honest, it was a great moment! I could think of no better way to celebrate my birthday along side the end of a marriage that involved two children, three pregnancies, a move, a job loss and his girlfriend! I left the office that day to embark on my greatest adventure-Single Motherhood! It is a far greater adventure than marriage or traditional parenthood. A pastor, who I admire, once asked me with a lot of compassion, “How is it going?.” My reply, to which I stand by to this day was, “I’m a better mom by myself.”
I decided to write this blog to accomplish a few things. This is not a rant, or a gripe session. I have held many, many, many conversations with single, dating and married people about relationships. I have read books, participated in therapy sessions, small groups, and the ever eventful girl’s night out. I also carry on numerous conversations daily about dating, raising children, single parenting, having a successful career and the most popular lately-my online dating experience. My findings and purpose for this are simple. At 35, almost 36 years old it is completely unnatural for most of us at this age to be single. We(meaning anyone 32+ who is single or soon to be single) do not know how to date! Further more, we struggle with basic romantic/intimate relationships. Gone are the days of simply “I like you, and you like me” or heaven forbid you actually develop true feeling for someone. Don’t do that and certainly don’t tell them…bye bye lover!
Let’s face it, THEY ARE ALL THE ONE! I have met and dated all types! When I say dated, this includes hours or days of lengthy texts and the inevitable Facebook stalking. Quite honestly, I will not date a guy until I am an accepted friend on his Facebook. Oh, and the Google search as well! Some online matches I never met face to face. These relationships have been up to a week or more of texting, maybe a phone call, skype or facetime, but no actual date. Everyone of them had some level of potential or I wouldn’t have communicated with them. Only a few times did I declare that a second date was out of the question.
My leaps of love in the past six years have been interesting. I have focused an abundant amount of time on “no regrets”. But I want to be truthful, the only regret I have ever had is when I wasn’t honest and wasted time with those who were so/so and space fillers.
One more thought before we part, in the inspiration of Carrie Bradshaw, I will not be using real names. Those of you who think these futures blogs are about you, well, you are probably right.
One of my favorite quotes comes from an African proverb: “To go fast go alone, to go far go together.” I attempted fast and I didn’t get far. I am trying to go far, so let’s go together.